I know it for sure now

It happened last night...that feeling. Its a feeling of certainty, security, understanding, complete satisfaction, life without breath, a flutter, a beat commonly skipped. I am in love with the woman of my dreams and we are meant to be together.

Watching Where the Wild Things Are in IMAX was pretty cool. But the conversations prior to the movie were what led up to that moment where tears were shed and an endless kiss shared without regards to time or surroundings. We continued our game of 20 questions, with such questions as "What would you name your kids?" "At this point in your life, who do you imagine yourself with (duh)?" and questions of the like. We love to be "people watchers" and talk about our observations in life. That is just another reason why we belong together. We are open to each other. How beautiful and rare.

Something stirred inside of us watching that nonsensical movie filled with dreams, laughter, anger, sadness and imagination. Up until the last 15 minutes, it didn't make sense. But then I watched her cry and I felt why; mainly because I felt the same way. It all made sense to me. Like Neo in the Matrix, I knew why.

Everyone in this world wants to be loved, to be a part of something special, to know they belong. At that moment, I arrived at that thought...That for the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged in this world, in this moment, with this woman, in this relationship, this love, this plan that we have. We were meant for each other from the absolute beginning. I was made for this woman to complete her and give her everything in this world, and she was made for me to fill me up and to give to me the remainder of my heart's void, to establish her presence in the empty pieces of my soul that God had intended for her to take.

I dried her tears as she laughed with drops falling from her soft and sparkling brown eyes. I love when she cries, because she laughs as she does it. How amazing can someone be to laugh as they cry, finding happiness in even the saddest moments. How beautiful of a creature she is, Gods gift to me. The movie ended and we spoke those words of intimacy that most choose to forget as their years escape them in the hustle and bustle of their ignorant lives, chasing the emptiness of not their own dream but someone else. "Te amo...I am in love with you." She looked at me and I kissed her with all of my might, my soul implanted deep into her lips with that one kiss that drew a long awaited tear that I had been imagining for all my life. It was that tear that fell upon our soft kiss that had let me know that I was making the decision to propose to the most special girl on the Planet, the most amazing woman on Earth, the most angelic and sweetest human being in this Universe. This, this girl named Jacqueline who I never imagined I would have started dating or ever encountered, would be my partner for life, the love of my life, the woman I would give my all to and receive it right back.

Time passed still and we couldn't stop kissing. We spent that night imagining our future silently in our minds together, knowing that our day is soon to come. Thank God I have men in my life that encouraged me to want to do the right thing and to act upon my love like a real man should. I am continuing my adventure tomorrow to buy the ring that will symbolize it all and speak my love to her. Not as nervous as I thought. I am jacked with excitement about this life. We are going to achieve great things together in this life, I can feel it. She even wants to be my business partner. Haha, never thought that. But I'm glad because now she will be a part of my life's mission and purpose with my business that I have worked so hard on. What pride and passion I have for it, and now for the love we have made together and will for the rest of our lives.

I am head over heels, and its the real deal. You couldn't trade this feeling for anything in the whole entire world. It's beyond emotion, it just makes sense. This was in our design.

Start the clock, life has begun on October 18th at 1:30 am. It's official. I'm the luckiest man alive.

Phillipians 3:14

Its been so long since I have put my heart and soul into a passage of simple words.  Just touching the keys to express my emotion reminds me of a past filled of uncertainty and doubt.  But a million times over, my life has transformed into somewhat of a beautiful creation that only Gods hands could craft.  Yes, trials have come.  Yes, challenges have arisen.  But nothing falls short of the Glory of God.  He has truly placed Himself and Jacky and I's life and I could not be any happier.  But tonight we were attacked.

As most great things will come about, they will be preceded by a plethora of bumps in the proverbial road towards achievement.  But what we experienced today was an immediate interception after the fact.  Although, we know that as one goal has been accomplished (our goal of Ruby business volume, which in lay terms equates to about $40k plus in business sales in one month), another great accomplishment is soon to follow.  So maybe it is another preceding predicament that has presented itself, rather than the aftermath of a devilish attack.  It is finished, it is done, it is no longer here; hence the details aren't worth the explanation.  We conquered here today, with a few wounded soldiers, however able.   But the enemy's attacks are never clever nor unique, but always an attack on the wife or the children.  He comes to steal, kill and destroy.  He brings a knife to a gunfight, and plays the pity role until you are exposed and ready for a stab straight to the back.  But, he will not prevail over the Nangle family, the team we have unified under Gods blessing as well as his purpose.  He will not take my dear Jacqueline from my arms, nor steal the love from her heart.

What malice the enemy can place in a warriors heart?  These attacks are quick, and sharp, directly to the nerves.  It stings as its pain proliferates for but a long, mindful minute; reminding you of the trance he placed upon you to do the things you wish you did not do; the things you wish you had not said.  But regardless, it is expected when such a grand responsibility is to be taken.

So we move forward.  The wounds are healing as we speak.  We will wear the scars with pride and proclaim our Lord and Savior as King of all.  And just to think, 6 years ago, I was sitting comfortably in a stupor of self-detained mediocrity.  Now, we rise above the masses to prove our worth and that blessings pour to those willing to receive them.  Beckon them.  We can do anything through Christ who strengthens us.

Rapid-changing tides

When the waters shift, they do so with intention and direction.

Just 5 months ago, I met a girl that I was to fall in love with shortly after. Scratch that. A girl that I gradually fell for with every passing second we spent together. It hit its peak one day, laying next to her in her bed in the middle of the day, that I had fallen head over heels for this woman.
Just a month before that, I had mentally split up with Emily after a 4 year relationship that went through twists, turns and a couple of loopty loops. We had been in love for 2 years and the next 2 years were for our discovery of a new phase in both of our lives. It was the realization that the in-love phenomenon was no phenomenon at all, but an exciting time in our career of loving another human being.
Two days after that, we were apart for good. There was no turning back. And at that point in time, I had realized just how much better off we were...that being in love with this individual had its conditions from the get-go, and I had surrendered myself to it for desire of a new and exciting feeling. In-love? Yes. True love. No.
Just about 4 hours ago, I started the translation from a thought to a decision that may very well be the start of my life, the way it was intended to be: with the love of my life, with a purpose in my life, with God completely open to navigating my life, and without shame of who I am as I live my life.
I'll call it the iron-clad phase of my life, the stepping stone to a new beginning and a promising future towards my true life's goal. I want to start a family, I want to be secure, I want to be in love for the rest of my life, I want to give life to children and breathe life into them daily about the ways of the world, I want to inspire millions of people, be an example to my family and friends, and write my book about it all.
Some 4 hours ago, my mind switched from boy to man, from belief to faith, from confusion to understanding. I don't know if I will pick the right one, but I know that once I see it, it will be the right one for the right girl. I am confident, strong, wise and steadfast, ready to give this my all. I'm not scared, but staring Destiny right in its eye as the same that showed up that afternoon in the form of a conversation that started it all. I may not be rich yet, but I am wealthy with trust and understanding of what my life has brought to me thus far. She deserves it all, and there is no other Man on Earth like me that can give her the world and everything she asks for.
It all starts with a decision, backs up with commitment, and symbolizes itself in the form of a ring that is unending, undying, unbreakable. I don't know how I am going to give it to her yet, but when it hits my hand, I know they will have been expecting the day that my heart was ready to make a stand for someone and become one with the other. Life is so beautiful, enhanced with the commitment to bask in its glory by being prepared to take in all of its blessings. You can only enjoy life so much if you aren't prepared to receive all of its special surprises; you'll miss out on the best ones that way.
When I give her that ring, nothing can stop me from taking the next leap forward to the destinations already planned for me to set foot.
It feels like just yesterday that I was living at home as a kid, Mom and Dad watching over me. Now all I can think of is having my own and someone deserving to share it with; to take my piece of this world and step forward with a woman by my side no matter what.
Now it's 4 hours later, and I can only think of her. She's the one, for too many reasons to spoil on a simple internet blog. I'll save the unending list for the rest of our lives, starting at the altar exchanging our vows. :)
Am I naive? Crazy? In too deep? One could only be so lucky as to be as unique as I, willing to take love and make of it something beautiful; not letting it sit and watch it slowly wither by the wayside. Love is not like wine (better aged), but more like flowers...besides the seeds that are sown and only yield on fertile land, these flowers should be harvested at its blossom and made a beauty to behold for eternity; good flowers harvested will beget more seed to carry on its amazement for ages.

Leadership from a quick spiritual standpoint

According to the Bible, Leadership is about transforming oneself into a servant. Simply serving, just as Jesus did, "becoming an example to the Flock." We as leaders attract to weakness, but lead from a position of strength. Pastor Joel C. Hunter (author of Inner State 80) from Northland church put it so eloquently in this way:

It is as if the Lord has given us $10,000 dollars. Most think that He comes to us and says "I could really use that money to do My work," and we would easily be quick to give it back unto Him. But what He really did was hand us $10,000 dollars in quarters. He calls upon us to empty ourselves out to others; 25, 50 cents at a time. We as leaders are to empty ourselves out to others daily until there is nothing left, just as Jesus did, as the Servant of all servants.

We have a story that many need to hear, so we must go out, create our story and tell it to the world to bring people to be able to lead others from a position of strength.

A halt in the parade

Time is passing as a parade of minutes continue their march, diminishing in the distance. Once they are gone, you can take off and chase after them; but you'll soon get tired and realize there are newer and bigger sights to take hold. I slipped into some of my old files and briefly spotted some pictures of the last 4 years. A hint of nostalgia set in, but I soon squashed it so as to keep my spirits high and my sights set on my extremely happy future. But yet, it made me think how in the blink of an eye, everything can and will change: for you and those you've loved. You can only really give life your best shot and try-fail-adjust to never give up.

I'm in love. A simple, smart, beautiful, uncomplicated, secure, sexy, charming, giving, enamored, fun-loving, ambitiously lazy, warm, open, comical, and easy going woman. I had a feeling the rush of emotion as such would come over me, but I didnt realize what it could do to me. Love does take over your senses, your will, ALL of your emotions, and all of your decisions. It instills a longing for more, and a guilt when it is shied from. It makes you want to and actually do crazy things, all in hopes of a true love that we have all dreamed of.

I never thought that I would fall for another woman again, but sometimes you cannot be the one to decide that. You just have to let life bring its blessings and challenges. It is how you react to it that will determine what you get out of it. If you trod off the beaten path, you may get lost. But if you can endure and push through, then the greener fields will soon be discovered and a promised-land of sorts is yours. There is always good in everything with the right mentality.

And just to think, I would have been an engaged man this month had life not been so fickle.

Thank God for the lessons we learn in life.

What is it good for? Absolutely everything...

We are in a war these days.

No longer is it the traditional wars of weapons and warring countries. But rather the moral battles of fighting for what is right, for a purpose-filled life rather than a circumstantial life. Successful people create their own circumstances. It is funny how most people in the war we wage are surprised when they are being shot at. But that's what happens in war; you get shot at. Bottom line. Bullets fly without direction or sometimes cause. Most will whizz by your ears, while others will make direct contact and penetrate the walls of your heart.

You have to just accept that things are not gonna change and that once you turned 18 that you've already enlisted to be let out into the real world in order to begin your mission, your assigned task. Once you are on the battlefield, you have two choices: fight with undying valor and expectation that you've already won, or hide and cower from it all thus incurring the risk of losing your manly spirit or, most importantly, your life as you sail through the winds of your retreat. You can only ever live or die on the battlefield. The sad thing is that most people die before they ever step foot on enemy territory; before they are even shot. Those are the many that bleed cold on the inside, with a extinguished soul and a heart slowly drained of its content.

Mainly, no one ever showed these soldiers of good fortune how to weild a rifle. Not a single man ever told them that they have just as equal chance of being killed by sitting as they are in the charge. No one ever told them they were chosen to fight for a reason. Rather, they were just thrown on the front line without guidance. Everyone needs guidance, a uniform basic training. However in the battle for the heart, most of the time there is no uniform preparation. That was a choice from within the underpinnings of your upbringing: whether your commanders ever put you through Basic, or whether you listened when they did.

With criticism and other attacks on the heart of men in their pursuit to become and maintain their manhood, they are given the choice of escaping from quiet desperation. Everything in life is a choice, but most fail to ever choose. They stand paralyzed in fear, afraid to make the wrong decision, never certain that their is already a plan for their lives, with no clue who they are or that He created them in the eyes of greatness. And so they stand still while being shot at. He acts surprised that another human being could have the heart to make an agressive attempt at taking his life for the benefit of their own cause. Yet all he must do is pick up his rifle, weild his weapon as he was taught to do, and step forward to fight the battle he was intended to fight ever since his heart's first beat. There was never anything to lose or sacrifice, but the essence of his being; a candle that would remain burning long after the battle had been won. Let us hope that most of us men live on not with a dim candle, but a bright orange flame that no wind or opposition could ever extinguish.

No no Drama

Within every domain there is a hierarchy; a pecking order, an alpha dog of the dog-eat-dog world that we live in. Lacking vision, trust, and faith, this world thrives off of the garbage we call hearsay and the drama of other people's life issues. It is as if you can find a soap opera every single day out of someone's true problems in life; whether it be their adventures of insecurity or their relationship quarrels/ventures. And it is not always that everyone is subjected to this torture of imminent domain, where a bull dozer comes in and trashes your life for the better of the rest of the world and their opinions of what spot you have on the map. It is simply those who allow it. It is an abusive complex that most never get over, that stems from our upbringing and our inability to face the issue to overcome it once and for all.

This girl at work, who happens to be at the top of the food chain (the source of all that is gossip), got a taste of her own medicine this week. Regardless of her lifestyle choices of heavy partying, drug usage, and constant foolery, the girl lived in an ideal life by most standards (it seems). Married to an amazing man who took care of her always and dealt with her situations, she chose to defile that relationship with a sin of the flesh. Her body reached out (whether covered by the mask of drunken debauchery or not) and yearned for a taste of a sinful life. She got it, and for that small period of lust (relative to the rest of her life spent with purpose and a man's man that would never leave her side), she now has to face it.

Ironic how one girl who continually thrived off of the happenings of other people's live now becomes the topic of conversation on the drama-filled vessel setting sail towards nowhere (we call it Fultons Crab House). No longer is the expression "the love boat", but rather it is "the lust boat". There are only few that find love amongst a bunch of heathens, and those people eventually detach themselves before its too late. A relationship fluorishing on a common foundation of morals and standards, they strengthen that foundation until they can migrate from whence the spot they came; and there they found each other to build another (and more pure) domain/life outside of it. It is knowing that the power of association will eat them alive if they do not go out and pursue their real purpose with true love that they have so unexpectedly discovered.

So I wonder, and ponder heavily on this issue. Seeing that this spot is impregnated with drama, it is only expected that the birth of a new Queen Bee will emerge with the death/retiring of the once former. May she rest in peace when she leaves and find herself somewhere out there in the new world. There is hope out there, and I can only pray that this girl finds some; that she discovers the short-lived nature of love without true commitment and the weakness of substance-dependency. Otherwise, what chance does love have living in a haze that most can never make out with clear vision and describe with audible speech? Sure, it is fun, but so is jumping out of a plane: its fun for the first 50 seconds until you realize that you just jumped off the deep end and you forgot your parachute because you didn't think it through first. And now you are about to hit the floor, never to return except for by the grace of God (if he allows it).

I wish people would think things through with their heart and not their mind (which is subject to confusion).

Manhood

Ever since reading that book Wild at Heart, it has really opened my eyes to a lot of understanding about how emotions and people work in certain, if not all, situations. I have always been the people-watcher type, observing the masses and how they react to each obstacle or trial that comes their way. It is a quality that few adopt and use. I admire my beautiful girl Jacky and my friend Tom for that, because they are some of the few that apply it and learn from it like I do. Whether it be as simple as missing the right toll lane (no Epass), forgetting ones wallet in the car or even a short verbal disagreement, I have always paid attention to how our emotions are triggered by life's many happenings. But nothing like this book has really brought me to a different level of understanding.

They say that once you make a mental click, or reach a new stage of life, that you can reread or relisten or even rewatch something and you understand it at a different level. And if you are open to accepting what you find, then you will be able to apply it to your own mannerisms and adjust as necessary. Hence, I believe, the process of bettering oneself. But sometimes you have to make that mental decision that you are ready to change or move on in order to get to that next step. I think that most never get to that point though. There could be many reasons and, being that I am not as wise as I would like to be, I can only theorize on it. So here I postulate.

I believe that if you do not ever take the time to discover yourself and conquer your fears, then you will never progress in life. This is the number one reason why most people get stuck in a rut: fear. That fear is built in from many different points in life and plentiful sources. But it originates from birth until today where some might even be sitting in front of this computer screen or this book (which it will someday be) and can't help but imagine that someone might bust through the door and kill you. Crazy how most will allow that feeling to overtake them, build up anxiety in them to the point of true uncomfort, and never want to understand why that is? You know, it is trial and error paired with the lack of inhibition to fail a few times that will help overcome fear. But somewhere, somehow and someway we are taught that you want to avoid pain and danger at all times. There are grades of danger that you just don't want to touch (like jumping off of a 50 foot building thinking that you won't die) but sometimes you have to get a bruise or a broken leg to know better than to do so. However, some adventures are worth the scratches and the poison ivy rashes; the heartaches and the heartbreaks, the laughter and the euphoric emotion, the exhiliration of being on the verge of almost certain failure but cheating it by just an inch of faith and truth.

How did I get on all of this? Today, I woke up to the sound of her voice. The only thing better than that is waking up to find her beautiful eyes lost in mine and her lips prepared and plump-n-ready for a smooch. I was supposed to go to Gainesville today, but people flake like they always do and I could have used the sleep I did get. Plus, my friend Mike W. who is always understanding, was in the same boat. He would have been the only one that would have showed and for that reason him and I will make millions together in the near future. You couldn't tell me otherwise.

So I woke up to my family all together in the living room cleaning up and chatting. I haven't done that in forever it seems so I partook in the enjoyment of it all. Talking to my mom, a morning hug from my amazing brother Ian, hanging out and being fed by my pops. It was nice; a preview of how life is going to be (and how one deserves to live) with the ones that you love when you have a plan for your life. To repay my dad, we went outside in the back to cut down a tree. My dad and I used to do man-work all the time when I was a kid. Although our relationship was never a talking relationship persay, it was always centered around being responsible, having fun always, and hard work: values that to this day I will take with me and give to MY family. My confidence came from elsewhere later on in life.

We mapped out the plan: push the lightning-deadened tree trunk inbetween two helpless plants so as not to kill them, tear apart the log into multiple pieces with a chainsaw and the job was done. It seemed to be quite a lengthy task, but ended up being quite menial. 25 minutes later we were through. But it was amazing to think that even in that time, that two men who had a task to get done put their heads together, worked as a team, and got the job done a lot quicker than one man by himself. And so I found purpose and understanding in that 25 minutes. Not only was it bonding, but it was about being a part of something, and meeting at Man's Point to take on a challenge. No excuses, no complaining. Just hard work that needs to get done. And someone had to take a stand to do it.

Now I don't always make an epic journey out of cutting a tree down into small pieces. LOL. But it was the fact that I had taken all of my personal growth up until now and I actually resented my father less than I have ever. And why is that? It's because I understand him better than I have ever. 23 years of observing him and I finally know what the man is all about. He is a man's man. There are issues and fears still, I know, but who doesn't have those? Its just a matter of how many have actually faced them. My father is an amazing man. He has so much passion that you couldn't cut through it with even the sharpest blades on a chainsaw. And he, as the man he has always been, was not afraid to pass that down to his son, Joshua Anthony Nangle. He has given me the best pieces of him (along with my mother who has given me so much) and has set me out into the world to find my own; to live out my journey, to take on an adventure, to fight a battle that most men lose, and to wage war for the beauty that will one day be my strength, courage and symbol of love.

Wild at Heart will bring truth into your life, and I only know that now I will do the same for millions of others, just like the author of this book.

Touchdown...back on Planet Reality

Man, there are very few words to describe the last 24 hours of my life. What chemistry, what a connection, what a beautiful experience, what a fun and relaxing time. It makes you think: how comfortable are you really when it comes to the one person in life that you rely on for happiness? Although Jacky and I have only spent so little time together this past 3 weeks going on a month, every second has been better than the last. I still cannot believe that it just fell into my lap like this, remembering that I told myself that I would not look for anything serious. But as Jacqueline puts it, our friend Destiny has stepped in and we have no way around it. We are so comfortable around each other, so honest in our conversations, so mature with our emotions that it is bound to lead to something beautiful as it already has.

We spent the evening talking late into the morning hours. We had such a great conversation about everything and anything. It was deep in nature and had no boundaries. We kissed and fooled around for a little in the midst of it all. It was bound to happen because we haven't been able to hang out in the privacy of our own bedroom until yesterday. But I gave her an incredible feeling inside and all over her body. I wanted to please her so badly for so long, and I finally got that chance. She was surprised how good it had felt; I wasn't. The best felt emotions come from the heart, and all I wanted to do was give her that piece of my heart that she had been working on for days. With her soul-seeking eyes, her voluptuously tempting lips, her exotic touch and curves everso silky to the touch, she won me over countless times.

We attempted to sleep. Well I didn't do so well. She slept and as always I got hot. So I turned on the air and caressed her cheek with the softest part of my hands while her consciousness dwindled away into Dreamland. I finally got some sleep though, but we still ended the morning by waking up early. I made her banana pancakes, the Breakfast of Champions. As she always does, she expanded my horizons by suggesting that I cook an egg over-easy and toss them on top of the pancakes. Interesting, and quite delicious. Us Americans always try to overcomplicate things and keep things neatly separated. She keeps it simple. ;)

So after a breakfast hearty enough to start off an amazing day, and a nice conversation with my brother Ian, we took off to my parents room. See, normally I would be ashamed to even mention that, but she did something to me that morning that took away all of the hinderances and shyness. It relinquished my fears of what she might think about me. The real Joshua Anthony Nangle that I have always wanted to strengthen and bring out of me was starting to emerge once more. This girl is the kind of girl that you can just be you around. And I'd encourage everyone to settle for nothing less, because it adds to the comfort of a relationship. Be you, and let God decide if you are meant to cross paths based on your common grounds. But I digress yet again.

So bedroom. Went to watch a movie, ended up falling into a deep realm of passion. We did things with each other that I did not expect, that I did not necessarily have on my mind. But it was absolutely amazing, every bit of it, for both of us. We made love, explored each other even more, and talked about things that only lovers do. It was surreal at first, but the comfort level was high. We slept for a bit, tried to watch a movie, then grabbed some Pollo Tropical (her favorite place to eat). We came back and slept some more. We were very lazy, needless to say, but it was so nice to just let go of the world that often troubles us and calls upon us to be alert to each and every detail. We weren't detailed yesterday. We were supposed to go to the beach, but that didnt happen. We were supposed to have a nice dinner, and instead we ended up going to Walmart and buying some supplies to make a Mexican-type sandwich called Niño Envuelto (made with a spread of mayo, sour cream, mustard over uncrusted white bread with American cheese, ham and turkey, salt and pepper, rolled up with aluminum foil into a sandwich roll with jalapeños as an good alternative option to place inside...glass of milk to go with is great...mmm). We played chess, checkers, damaschinas (Chinese Checkers), and hung out with my brother. The best of both worlds.

Side note: I love hanging out with my brother. It reminds me of just how successful we are going to be because of his growing confidence and outlook on life. Him and I are good for each other. We rub off positivity on each other, and it is the one thing that will keep us growing and changing together as we become young, wealthy and free.

Return to the bedroom for the second attempt on watching the movie. No success. More love to be given, never enough time. We fell right back into each other's arms and took advantage of the time that we had away from our outer-world situations. She lay there in the nude as I ran my fingers across her beautiful mocha-colored skin, the small of her back, her entire body really. What a priviledge to give such a beautiful woman the love and attention that her body deserves. She fell asleep again, and so did I.

She woke up at 2:30 in a haze. It was time to return to our normal life for a little while. Her aunt and uncle who she stays with did not know of our rendevous and the love we had in store for each other on that incredible day. So until then, she will continue to make it back to her place on time before her tios wake up at the young hour of 6 o' clock. But it is my job to give her the liberty to come and go as she pleases, to go out there and win in this life so that she may live like she is supposed to; with the freedom and life that we all deserve.

She is my woman now, and so much more than my words can fathom in this second so early in the morning. But I must be careful, because although the feeling is real, words are very powerful. I trust though that they will be spoken at the right time, although having already been spoken in the verses of our body language. It is just a matter of time now. But that's all that I have: time.

Time to move on. Time to change. Time to fall in love. Time to make a man of myself. Time to be an example. Time to get the job done. Time to make a commitment and back it up with action. Time to live out my life's dreams. Time to save my family from this life. Time to lead my family. Time to live for someone and something that matters.

Imminent

She's on her way here right now. I have butterflies wrestling in my stomach, but I don't know why. I'm not entirely nervous or anything. lol. I laughed when I just read that. But it must be the excitement of seeing her and having her lay next to me tonight that gets my heart a-flutter. I don't want to sleep with her. I respect her too much. I want her to know that I care about her so much and that whenever it happens is whenever it happens. It truly is like Pandora's box...once you open it, you can never close it unless you run away from it. And trust me, once we open that box, I won't be the one to close it unfortunately...lol. Love is an addiction for me when it is with the right person. I give it 110% percent of my heart and ability to please her in all areas. That in itself is an exciting thing if it truly does feel right when it happens.

Those feelings felt during intimacy are probably the best one could ever feel. And the only thing that multiplies it is the progressions of a relationship into something more serious, deep, and comfortable. Then the intimacy reaches another level, I assume. I've only loved and been in love, broken hearts mistakenly and been heart broken more than twice. I've never taken love to the extent of lengthy and eternal commitment, or past the excitement of marriage into starting a family. I am sure those make intimacy that much more satisfying. Plus, a lengthy exploration of one's body also puts you at an advantage of knowing how to please and be pleased.

She just texted me. She is on her way right now. For all I thought, she was already at the door, but now I can ease up and relax a bit.

We've got quite a day planned for tomorrow. I'm gonna wake up around 11 and make her some Banana pancakes in the morning. Then we will probably end up kissing and getting closer. After that, we are gonna hit up the beach. I am thinking about Clearwater Beach simply just for her to watch the sunset with me. There is a possibility that we may hit up Cocoa Beach, but my intent was to become amiable with the sun on one side of the Earth or the other. There is nothing like the gleam of the sun over the calm, ocean waters as it sinks into oblivion only to return the next day with another story to tell. Quite romantic indeed! Then after all that mess, I am going to cook this beautiful young lady some dinner and grab a bottle of her favorite wine (Riesling). After some good food and conversation, a movie will end the night for us in preparation for the next day at Fultons Crab House. It will be a short-lived taste of a full day of hanging out together. But nevertheless, its always good to have a taste of what is to be served. We will call this our Appetizer Monday, a prelude to the amazing feelings to be experienced in the months to come.

Continuance

The time has gone so fast that I do not even know how long it has been since Emily and I have since parted. I think its been over a month now. But it has not phased me simply because I have not thought about it. It seems that it was the right decision for where I stood. I told my mom today that I was going to propose to Emily in September before the obvious obstruction presented itself. I probably would have too. It was in my heart to do so, to give her the world I had long since promised. But I realize now that where we are both in life is on such different realms that God had to step in and show us both our separate ways. Love is blind. With or without glasses, you can sometimes see only what you want to see and it makes you wonder if there really is a plan for us all (which I do strongly believe, but carry all opinions with an open mind). I believe it was the best decision we ever made together as a couple, even though I wouldn't have admitted it then. I could only see hope and a great future. I don't know what she saw, but it wasn't change. There is truly a reason for everything.

I took a leap of faith and gave up my morning shift on Thursday. Well, Jacqueline did because I gave her the go-ahead to offer it up. Jacky obviously wanted to hang out with me, and I obviously did not mind seeing her one bit. Even though I am guarded just a little so she doesn't get sick of me (since we've seen each other non-stop it seems), I figured it lined up for a reason and I took it as an opportunity to get closer to winning her heart. Crazy to hear, but I have this goal to be the respectful man I've always aspired to be and win this girl's heart. And its not just to test my abilities so as to gain the title of Rennaissance Man Of The Year 2009, it is this stirring feeling inside that draws me to her; to think about her nonstop, to feel the touch of her lips upon mine when we aren't even near, to want to give her more of me. For the first time in a long time, I feel like my heart is wanted for capture.

We originally planned to go to one of two Disney waterparks named Typhoon Lagoon, but only because the rest of the Fultons Crab House crew already had plans to attend the other named Blizzard Beach. Jacky and I were (and kind of still are) in cognito with our newly-found affection, and didn't want the whole world to know. But something changed her mind, and we played Hide and Seek with everyone else at Blizzard Beach. We were eventually found out, but not until later.

During our time there, we had so much fun! It was an experience for us both. For her it was a new experience, riding on all of the variety of water-gushing rides in a place where laughter was not scarce. For me, it was a chance to get to better know the girl who captured my attention at work on the first day. Every single time we hang out together, I find yet another reason to stick around her. Whether it be our contagiously-shared laughter, our common ground on most of our beliefs, our inability to cease all clumsiness, or just those devilishly-wicked kisses that we take part in. We always find reasons and not excuses to see each other again and again. The feeling is electric!

We ran into everyone (everyone being the people that would tell everyone about our attraction, that is...especially this girl named Shaira) after we found our friend Jacob wandering around. That's when it was time where the feeling of this situation felt the most comfortable. I felt no pressure, Emily (although completely obliterated to the point of not remembering seeing me) and I had already talked so she was cool with it, and everyone else started to catch on to what had already been cooking. Jacky seemed a bit uneasy, but once she realized that my feelings for her were true and not temporary (that I had long since moved on and had intentions of treating her right without the bullsh*t of talking sweet words with no backup action), I believe she started getting more comfortable with it all. I realized then how serious we felt for each other, that if it were to step up another level that we both wanted to know that one was sincere about the other and that we could start forming a trust bubble around these emotions we had so quickly started to develop.

There are so many ways to say this, but I am infatuated with this beautiful girl named Jacqueline Viviana Padilla (Sepeda).

There is a desire to know that this is a real feeling with real potential and that there was no room for turning back. I knew where I stood, solid and firm on grounds of loving intentions. I was not going to face a past mistake of turning back on those personal commitments I had made with my heart and soul in returning to a love that was one-sided. I vowed never to give loving one person a third chance, because true love only deserves two and love by itself can claim two-and-a-half. The more shots you give love with one person, the more you weaken your heart, I believe. We as individuals must be strong and confident knowing what we want and what is best. Fickle are the ways of the Devil (or anything evil in the world, hence D'evil for non-believing folk...lol), and indecision a killer of passionate emotions. Who would want to be without the most amazing feeling on Earth? No drug, no achievement, no chemistry is as powerful as that of love. Its what we feed off of to be the happiest in life. And although many can be happy single, there is always some sort of love that they pour out to someone or somewhere to fill that void. However, two "in love" takes the cake, with multiple layers to dig into. As I've always said, I will never miss out on that emotion, even if it means being that one guy who chooses to live by the morals of a true Gentleman to find a real woman that can handle that. And I'll be the man that gives her the world on a platinum-molded platter (because silver is just too easy to get).

The ad would say "No longer a push-over. Twenty-three years old, the most respectful man you'll ever meet, loving, caring, strong-willed, hard-working, driven, family-oriented, ambitious, creative, supportive, giving, trustworthy, positive, detailed, funny, talented, social, tall, handsome, working on a smokin' bod in spare time (lol.), still smiles under all circumstances, one of few dreamers that remain, and soon to be very successful at such a young age (if you can believe that, you'll benefit abundantly)."

Jessica's Quote

Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed.-G. K. Chesterton

Perfect quote that shows us that some of us are extinguished of our dreams when we grow up from childhood and take on the responsibilities of a proper life. But why is it that we aren't told that we can still slay the dragon? Why are we not given the map to the castle where the mystical creature's dungeon lies and the beauty screams loudly from atop the highest floor, begging for salvation from her one true love? Rather, we are made a loyal serf, a lord of the land, a master of his trade living in the storybook as the Knight rides valiantly by his countrymen to achieve his prestige, to attain his utopic life and salvage the true love that remains in his heart for the rest of the world to see. He stands tall as an example of danger and gusto, unafraid of the road ahead knowing that the battle is well worth it, the journey long and exciting and the end goal in mind well worth it. So many movies depict a man rising above his situation to go against the odds and, because he never quits, he always becomes something more than the odds would have him remain. Will they continue to make these movies if real men do not pursue what they were meant to have in this world. God planned it out for us to have all the wealth and the riches of the world. It is just our responsibility to believe it is ours while reaching out to take our slice of the pie. And this baby is Cherry Cheese Cake, believe me! Time to stomach it.

A short and sweet day

My heart is pounding through my chest. This feeling is overtaking me, it is so weird. It's like everything is lining up so perfectly...honestly its shockingly exciting, and a bit scary at the same time. But I'm not afraid. It feels too right.

Today, I rolled around in bed and thought about her all morning. I didn't hear back from her last night and was a little worried. But thank God I am not the jealous type, as I quickly forgot about it. It was almost as if I am starting to feel protective of her, to make sure that she gets home safe and that those people that are out there don't take advantage of her humble smile and her giving soul. But nonetheless I let my weary head down to rest, knowing that our date was still going to happen regardless of confirmation.

So I texted her to see if she was keeping her afternoon open so that I could jump into it and take her out. Success. I snoozed for another 45 minutes until my mom called me and then I figured I ought to get up and start my prep for the day. The day started as a breakfast bar/book morning, or a B&B day as Diane Haigh so interestingly put it. I read more into Wild at Heart, and found out why my parents are the way that they are and why women often try to fill the void of their husbands with the company of their children. Harsh reality. I am determined to make sure my wife is filled up and her voids nonexistent. She deserves only the best, whomever she may be. That is why I have to retire before I am 30, way before it. I need to put all the love, hope, dreams and desires of her heart into fruition for her because noone else can but I. And why should anyone wait until they are 65 anyways? Idiots. lol

So tangential today...lol. She has my mind all over the place, I cannot think straight. :)

But anyways, after pumping up the pecs and taking a shower, we met at Millenia but decided to get sushi farther away at a place next to Kirkman and Conroy, near the Hurricanes wing place that I also love. Mmm, I'm hungry again. hehe. But we had an amazing conversation as always, talked about growing up and why getting drunk is so shortlived at times. It's like we long to be different and endulge in the fact that we can be and still feel the ecstasy of life. A couple of kisses and amazing sushi later, we were off to Festival Bay to shop.

I love the fact that she can't help kissing me anywhere we are. Most people would try to be decent about it, but why hide it when you feel it. People will remember you for only a second anyways, unless they are the one receiving the lip service. :) But she just lets loose with the love in her heart, and so do I. And I ramble on about this because our intent was to pick up an outfit for her modeling show at Forever 21 and we ended up just walking around hand in hand, her in my arms, our kisses flying liberally throughout the air. We walked and talked, got to know each other just a little bit more. I assured her that this feeling was real and we talked about the first time we were attracted to each other and why to validate it. Although none was required, we did it just to recall the feeling and compare it to the amazing one we both felt in that instant...or so I believe. Then we saw some parrots and a guy named Jean Carlo from Nicaragua put the parrots on the both of us and offered up a picture for 10 bucks. Finally, a chance to get a picture with her.

The damn red one kept tickling me, nibbling at my hair (because apparently he likes the gel) and nibbling at my chest right above the "t" on my shirt. It tickled the hell out of me, but it didn't compare to the feeling that she gave by being there enjoying that exact moment. She forgot that she had a white bird posted on her head the whole time, until the picture was taken. Lol. This is where the memories start. (I wish she would have smiled more like she does when she looks at me...it would capture exactly how this feeling is progressing).

As repetitive as it sounds, we walked, kissed, talked and just couldn't stop falling into our own little world without concern nor care for anyone but each other. We returned to the mall where her car was, along the way exchanging dreams and visions of ours for the next year, two, and beyond. We have SO much in common that it isn't even funny. For example, she wants to learn to play the guitar AND the piano just like I. With the same ambitious spirit, same loving attitude with a hint of stubbornness and indecisiveness at times (like me), I just really think that there is such a compliment to each other that exists. We couldn't stop kissing, but we had to because the ol' J-O-B. But I let her know that until she got sick of me that I didn't want to stop hanging out with her. So we are meeting up tonight to go Jacuzzi-hopping like our first crazy night that we connected.

I'm crazy about this girl. I cannot explain it, and I have tried to deny it, but I cannot. I didn't want to rush into anything but I can't help but want to jump on the quickest train fast tracked to the deep emotions of her heart. I want to give her so much of me, and I know that in time it will come to please her more and more. I realize more and more each day what I was missing and what I really want in a girl. I want a truthful feeling that keeps true throughout the years and is not falsified by the outside influences of substances. You'll never get high off of love if you find your high embedded in other pleasures. This is crazy good!

I call her my drug. ;) And the after-effects are so much better.

A night to remember

Funny how life changes so rapidly when you are put on the right path and you know it.
I have never been happier than I am today. People will talk, men will cheat, women will pretend to be happy and rely on false security, but I have these standards that I believe are necessary to keep true while the rest of the promiscuous world continues their debauchery.
I am getting back to my roots again. Being the gentleman that I always have been, always smiling and complimenting people in their uniqueness, has been quite rewarding. And if the old adage holds true, then what goes around will definitely come back around and my life will be led with nothing but blessings to behold.

So why a night to remember?

This girl. Rather, this woman with a little girl's heart; wanting to be loved and naive enough to live life passionately without regards to the outside world so judgmental and dream-theiving in its nature. The first time I met this girl, I could not help but be head-over-heels attracted to. Rich in exotic beautiful, her smile able to part the skies, her figure voluptuous in stature and such amazing eyes transparent enough to peer into her soul. She has THE most unique qualities I've ever seen in a woman, and I cannot help but love every single one of them. And what puts the icing on the cake is that I feel like me around her, like I can truly be myself without regards to any insecurity or image to live up to. Emotional freedom. She is radiant. What a beautiful creation through God's eyes.

Call it love? Not quite yet. But the desire is there.

After a long day of thinking about her from the first time we had connected, I retired from work with $250 dollars in my pocket. Not a bad shift at work. But the worry of my financial responsibility was no longer on my mind, because she had been crowding it for days. Texting her at work, I let her know that I wanted to see her again. Our first kiss had happened by some stroke of fate the night before as someone had prompted for us to engage, as if God's hand had been working its plan to force us to do what we had already been wanting to do (thankfully because I was only out to respect her as a lady). This night was spent getting to know her in the evening over dinner and mini-golf (I know, I'm a cheese ball), a small fashion show/dancing party at the local club, and about 2 hours of passionate kissing in a secret spot of hers over the balcony of a local resort. The view of the city was amazing, but the gaze into her eyes was much more incredible. But I digress.

We grabbed some food at the local Ale House and shared a quick kiss while conversation. Although I was tired with fatigue, I was alive with excitement to share another special moment with her like the days prior. We decided we did not want to leave each other. So after a quick Slurpee at the adjoining 7-11, she thought of a place for us to be.
The town of Celebration was quiet with peaceful breezes and the echoing sounds of remaining inhabitants at the local bar. But it was her and I walking hand in hand as we shared the lights, open space and peace of the small town. We took a pit stop at a local ritzy-looking hotel for her to freshen up a bit, while I distracted the middle-aged Concierge named Brian with my tactful conversational skills. It was like a 007 mission and I was James Bond. She gives me that feeling of confidence like I can do anything.

We set out on our 2 mile walk along the pathway near some of the most luxurious houses you have ever seen. They were not mansions, but you could tell that a lot of thought went into the beautiful construction of these houses. We walked a little, talked a little, dreamt a little, and kissed a ton. We stopped at a nearby bench, sat under the stars, and tasted each others kiss once more. She's like a drug, I tell you. One kiss is never enough.

I couldn't contain myself. I had to put my hands all over her to let her know that I was crazy enough about her to want to give her part of my world, but respectful enough not to move too fast. Her body is beautiful from what my lips and hands told me that night. It made me want to cherish her enough throughout the next few weeks of getting to know each other to be able to have the chance to give her the passionate love that she deserves, to be able to give her every euphoric feeling known to man. She makes me believe that I have that power, and I do. But the best part was the look in her eyes, as the lights of the stars and the walkway illuminated them enough to see inside of her heart; that this feeling was as rare and authentic as an Argyle diamond.

You could call me hopelessly romantic, but I am the only hopeful romantic that I know of willing to give the world to someone with patience, understanding, respect and love. When I have it, I'll fight for it just like Neo, General Maximus Decimus Meridius, Braveheart, and anyone who knows the truth about being a man's man and loving a woman who builds him up daily.
2 hours of benchwarming (so to speak), we continued down the path so that we could get her home being that she had to be up early the next day. But we took our time, talked some more, kissed while walking and eventually got lost. Be careful what you wish for, because it just might come true. I totally had said earlier that I enjoyed getting lost with her and not caring about anything, and so it came to be. We continued until we ran into one of the neighborhoods and finally figured out where we were. It was an adventure nonetheless, but more an opportunity to spend more time together, which we enjoyed. Running, laughing, kissing still more and more, falling on grass, admiring the homes around us, stubbing our toes, working up blisters; this was as good as it gets for the situation that we had to make the most of. Thank God for the iPhone, otherwise we would have watched the sun come up. The night finally ended as we walked barefoot back into the small town and found our way to our cars. With the sweetest kiss that you could have ever felt, I placed my lips upon hers and bid her good night. I drove away that night more tired than I had ever been, but happier and more certain than ever. This is where I was meant to be, in this moment with this girl.

I've learned so much about life and love up until then, but this one takes the cake when it comes to putting my life into perspective. I understand so much more about who I am as a person, what I want to be and what type of person I want to spend my life with. And although this girl and I are not yet serious, I think I might be in love. So I tread softly and with care so that His plan may play out, knowing that faith is what drives us to where we belong. I trust that much.

Confessions of a once confused man

I've determined a couple of certain ideas that have not yet ceased to exist: Ill never give up on myself, I'll never give up on my dreams, I'll never give up on True Love, and I'll never give up on obtaining a life filled with purpose.

It seems I have made mistakes in love. And I realize that. Every Day. And I always take from it some sort of positive to use for applying to the next steps in my relationship. I feel I am a compassionate man, and I truly put everything into the love that I give. Granted, I have made stupid decisions, and I am definitely not perfect. But my intentions are ALWAYS pure. I can only remember one time where they were not, and it was without love in my heart during a period of hurt. But I have become stronger with time and understanding of why we as humans play with the emotional heart strings of the Love Violin. We pluck, we strike, and we fill the air with all sorts of sounds; some agonizing, some entrancing and others quite pleasant. But we learn to understand that maintenance is essential and practice serves as perfectly necessary in order to keep those strings from breaking all together. The more experienced, the less likely to create fatal disaster and leave more expensive damage to be fixed. But it can still be fixed, nonetheless. We do it from lack of experience and maturity in the realm of playing the violin, or we play this violin like we would some other less romantic instrument, like the Trombone. We should all take a couple of Violin lessons from time to time.

I've always been a huge advocate of just figuring things out, because if you are afraid to take leaps of faith, you'll just never know and one will always live their lives out in fear and lack of knowing what could have been. Learn from everything, shy from nothing. The more beneficial and purposeful experiences there are is the more mistakes you are bound to make, but with less and less falling, failing, and flailing.

Now if I only had someone to bear patience for my mistakes, forget all of the past, and take a stride forward in the right direction (finally!) then I know we would figure out each other so well that not even a tank could penetrate through the walls of understanding.

You would think by being a man, admitting the wrongs and turning over a leaf to forget the past would wipe the slate clean for a new day. But some are stubborn; others are misunderstanding, while most are selfish at such a young age. Sure we could all wait till we are older to relinquish unto selflessness, but why wait to enjoy the benefit of a giving relationship?

I know what's right. It's just that the right person doesn't know what is right.

Blinded by weakness

You know when you realize something that is earth-shattering, so much that it hits you like a ton of bricks? And when you haven't cried for years, and still have yet to, it just weighs down on your soul as if you tied an anchor to it. I cannot wait to pick up this book called Wild At Heart. I'm sick and tired of being the boy and nice guy that I am. I just want to grow up already and be a man instead of this wuss that cannot think straight to save his life. Talk about doublemindedness...its almost as if the comfort level of being in that state has left me complacent to both sides of the token and now I've just settled for average. I know what I want, and I know how to get it. So why do I stop at everything on my road towards it? I thought I would have taken a better path towards self-discipline and growing myself. But apparently I took an easier route that felt better rather than treading over the jagged rocks that we must travel to get to the promised land.
Its easier just to not grow up and avoid facing the music, but eventually the band is going to catch up to you and blast out your ear drums. I've come to realize that if I don't grow up, then there is the likelihood that my family and those who look up to me (however many or few, I do not know, but I know of one special to me) will suffer greatly. So I wear this role with pride and will struggle so that others do not have to, but I will be strong enough to not weaken anyone by taking all the burden. My hopes in this life are to offer up solutions from my own situations without making the wrong decisions. But when you are all about serving other people and a higher purpose, you cannot ever make wrong decisions when looking to benefit others.
It's time to live up to the definition of a man and lead my family-to-be. Lead by example, right?

Transitions

Everyone comes to a crossroads of life, more often than not, where there must be major decisions that can either threaten or strengthen certain areas of life. It might cause you to deviate from the correct path or take a longer road to the goal you had once set out for yourself. You think you have it all right, and just when it all seems like it is going great, a challenge arises to test your faith and your mental fortitude. What makes us men and women is how we react to those obstacles and get back up. I've always talked about kicking the dust off of your pants after a fall like one of those. But sometimes the dirt hardens on your pant legs. Only a complete and cleansing wash will start its appearance over, fresh, and its wear can now be truly measured amongst the microscopic threads that have been woven in to create it, the canvas of our life's design.



So why is it that those who are destined for greatness always seem to stumble over the obstacles that the masses of people might not ever see? Its called a test of faith, a trial of testimony, where respect is earned and pride is made humble in its hidden, unwavering confidence.



Words get heavier, sentences will weigh you down when those who love you and only care for you doubt in themselves and thus must bring you down with them. Just because they cannot do it does not mean you cannot. But because they cannot then they will never believe in you as much as you do. Or, better yet, ask someone successful and with fruit on the tree their opinion and see the difference in your self image after you talk with them. For it is those who have done and not settled with trying that will encourage the life into you and believe in you more than anyone else has. Comforting that the support exists, but good luck finding it among the sea of average decisions, speech and situations. The 2 percent are willing to do what the 98 percent ARE NOT willing to do to have what the 98 percent will never have. Bottom line.



I wish I knew these principles as a kid. Install a winner's spirit into every child's drive and watch them grow into a mainframe of intelligence, determination, courage, honor, innovation and powerful thinking. Makes me wonder if our world tries to hide those who make a difference (and the secrets to be one) to keep us held back simply to support a barely self-sustaining economy that defines America today. Keep the innovators of the day held to most of the burden and challenge in the system and watch them grow stronger...because you cannot keep a winner from winning, and the winner will only get stronger in his preparation for the win. He know's he has already won; now is the time to fill in the storybook of blank chapters that lead up to it. Comfort lies in knowing that you are the author of your story and that, with the enlightenment of our purpose on Earth, we write our endings way before we ever touch the surface of our beginnings. We are all born into excellence. There is the only absolute truth, one that most are afraid to believe.



Why do you not dream? Because dreams are for the untainted minds of society that have yet to experience the fears and doubts of average America. Uncommon dreams exist outside of the realm of fear and doubt, and that is why most children will think bigger than most men; men that think retiring with a 401k or barely supporting his ENTIRE family by means of the political 9-5 will provide all his necessities. Men become bigger when they dig to their roots, tear themselves open, and rearrange their minds to think and believe what we were born into believing before the big world shattered it all. Our World is of an all-knowing, ever-supportive God who destines us all for larger-than-life living until it is stripped from us like a child robbed of his rattle. It is the only thing we have to transform us into what we want and, for that reason, investment into the mind and transforming one's thoughts to mimic those of pure positivity is where we all must focus to have what we truly WANT, not need. The want becomes the need, the need becomes the why and the why becomes the secret indicator that you will make it no matter what.

Euphoria

Define: a standard term of emotion to mean intense, transcendent happiness combined with an overwhelming sense of well being.

Cool!

When you live your life in different locations, you don't take vacations.

I just got back from taking my nuclear family to the cruise port for their annual Holiday cruise. I skipped out this year for many reasons: thinking that I would be in Colorado with the team, saving Mom money (because she funds her vacations all on credit it seems), and because of delayed gratification. But I felt a sinking feeling watching them walk towards the loading dock. Typically, the sinking feeling comes when its Sunday or you just get back from your vacation and you have to go back to work the next day. But it seems that I wanted to be with them on that trip. Thoughts ran rampant through my head as to why I didn't decide to go on the cruise with them and my lovely girl. I even considered myself stupid for not doing so for a split second. But I know that I will be able to do soooo many things that I want, travel with whomever I want and fund the whole thing, never having to think about money ever again.

I had this picture of Emily and I in Japan, with beanies and scarfs on standing in the snow with the foreign signs and people in the back drop, taking one of those patented "Extend-o-arm" shots as the snowflakes rest on our noses and our smiles are wider than the Panama canal. I came back to reality, with my hands still on the steering wheel and my eyesight subconsciously focusing on the road, as the radio was playing Coldplay's "Lovers in Japan" and I realized that it was still a ways away. But when this moment does happen, I know a strong feeling of Deja Vu will overcome me and my heart will smile.

About to get ready for work to serve some salsa, chips and a smile. :)

Emily called me this morning in one of her drunken hazes as she often does when she is out of town. But there was a different tone to the conversation. I felt as if she was truly interested in telling me about her drunken Tallahassee party experience and wanted my full attention. I don't know if it was just the alcohol or the loneliness of being the only one awake at the house that she was staying at, but I was enjoying that she was enjoying my attention. And then after we parted on the phone for the first time, I woke up again to the sound of the phone vibrating and it was her again. She told me how much she missed me and wished that we were next to each other, wondering when we would see each other next (as if she didn't know). She explained that she couldn't wait to see me on Sunday. Even in the sleepy haze that I was in and the drunken state that she was in, I felt a warmth from the conversation that I hadn't felt in quite some time. It could have very well been that our minds were in other places, but it was a great feeling that I enjoyed thoroughly. I cannot wait to see her on Sunday, even though I may quite well be slightly intoxicated for a christmas party at Amigos. But I have been praying that our relationship find the very thing that ignited the flame in our love when we first met, independent of any of the intoxication and fully dependent on those valuable moments we had staring into each others eyes and endulging upon the touch of one another. There's something about the winter time that multiplies that emotion as well. Maybe it is the psychological notion that a new year is about to begin? And in the cheer of the holiday, we are made to forget about the negative of the past or current to our lives and bring out the best in one another, starting over or renewing our minds.

To be free in the mind during the holidays must be an enjoyable experience for many, but not having to work or answer to anyone and being truly free must simply be euphoric. I cannot wait to experience all of life's beauty and goodies.

***Maybe my life's purpose is to create a euphoric life for myself along with those that I love and write about my experiences to reach out to millions; to let them know that it is truly worth fighting for, this thing called freedom. Letting people know it is obtainable and real, now that's a good reason why. Forget Utopia, how about Euphoria?

Looking forward to christmas without school and more time with the ones I love, this is Spunkyitalian peacin' out.

Word.

Lol. Goofball moment.

Use the pivot foot, Damnit

I am at one of those pivotal moments in my life where I am growing, changing and having to make big boy decisions. Funny how we always stumble over rocks on the dirt-tread path but, like I've realized, it only makes us stronger. Whether it be in professional life, love life, scholarly life, I am always thinking about something as to make my situation as ideal as possible. But not only just for me, but for her as well. I care so much about her, and I truly believe that our life together has been fantastic. I just don't know if we are on the same page as much anymore. She doesn't know what she wants, I believe, and because of it the indecision flows freely through the air and creates a mysterious mist that places a haze in front of me. One thing I learned that really connected with me when I was listening to it: Love is a choice, not by chance.

I was listening to an audio recording of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Great book by the way, even though I listened to it...hehe. Ambitiously lazy I am, but I got a lot of value out of it. Although dealing primarily with marriages, I saw principles that were outside of the realm of committed relationships and even saw a bit of my upbringing in my parents marriage (both past and present). There is literally a psychology to everything, simply due to the fact that everyone has their own unique opinions. Whether they are accepted widely or not, published for many to read or no, they are simply opinions stemmed from experience and intense, lengthy observation. So needless to say, being that love is a choice, two people have to be willing to speak each other's "Love Language" for there to exist love. What you may think is gratifying and beneficial to the other person may very well not be in their minds, although intentionally thoughtful. You must learn what makes them tick and what they appreciate above all things (quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, or physical touch) as a primary method of communicating your love to them. I determined that mine is Words of Affirmation, because I absolutely LOVE when people build me up with words. It probably stems from my upbringing and the lack of it growing up, so I deduced in listening. But either way, in present day, I love positive conversation and words of encouragement, while criticism absolutely disgusts me. I believe Physical Touch is my secondary one because it is not strictly sex that I long for, but the kiss and the loving touch of another. But don't get me wrong, I believe sex has a realm of passion and intimacy that most do not get to experience because they are not willing to, and because I always want the most out of life, I therefore believe it is essential at least in my love with another. Man, with this information, people could live such better lives. But they would have to be willing to apply it. Altruism. All these principles are not just to do with courtship and relationships. They also have to do with friendships and raising children. If people would be willing to be less selfish and more selfless, only giving it their all in order to receive it all, they would find a true love that surpasses any euphoria of human capacity...at least I believe it. Therefore I will conceive it. (Dr. Seuss moment).

Kelley Bremer sent me this text today, and it really got me thinking: "Need + Emotional Why= Motivation." Well, I've BEEN thinking, but it reignited the thought for me that has been going through my head. I haven't been as productive as I would like to be in business, and it all has to do with "what I have, what I want, why I want it which reveals what I need, and what I would be willing to sacrifice to have it?" That progression of thoughts in itself should stretch anyone in this settle-for-it world. But I have no drive and, to be honest, have not for the past 3 months it seems (now that I take a step back and look at myself without kidding myself). My business projects will get done, I just don't know if March is the goal anymore. This would be fine, as September we will go over no problem and with the right people. It sucks, but I don't think God would have let me have the team that I couldn't handle. So I'm studying this business like crazy right now, growing myself as much as possible and doing whatever it takes to reach the levels I have set out for myself. But back to my original KB text; It got me thinking. I'm not motivated, so that must mean that one of the variables in the equation are off, faulty or nonexistent. I will not settle with the Q word, so I need to be successful this year in 2009. I need to be a key player on the team so I can impact peoples lives like I desire to. I need to live a life second to none and beat out the odds of retirement for my mental health and to prove to my family that you can make the best out of life. So I need things, but there are some things that I want that have yet to become needs. And it most likely comes into play with an emotional why. I have heard this somewhere before, but cannot coin it to just one person, so it is said that "If it doesn't make you cry, then it isn't your why." And I cannot think of the last time I was even remotely NEAR crying. I can think of two instances: watching my mom cry about her life and where it is, and watching Larry Winters talk about his experience with Danny Snipes and how much he truly cared. In those instances, you could see that there were real people involved with real struggles and there was someone reaching out for help. I want to help everyone, if I can. But if I cannot even help myself, I cannot help others. So in conclusion to this slew of wordiness, I am in search of the one thing that I would die for and can cry for. I need an emotional why and that in itself is a need. I need something or someone worth committing to that will move me to great lengths and shut out any of the garbage in my life that keeps me from excelling. I know it is right there. I wish someone would flip on the lights, as blinded as I am today.

I WILL be okay, and I will come out stronger and more certain than I have ever been. I know that much. I was meant to do great things, and to impact lives no doubt. And this is my vehicle no doubt. Nothing else burns inside of me but this; the urge to be a Successful Man in America and make the dream real.

Wake up call. Call me Lucky

I'm an Idiot. Ok, I'm not an idiot persay. I just realize things later than most. I guess that I live in an Ideal world where everyone does everything I want. Maybe it was my mom's genes that made me so stubborn. I mean, I know I am worth it and all, but I am no better than the next person. Hence the reason why I finally figured out that I have been putting aside my relationship rather than simply not allowing it to penetrate my long term goals. Funny how the human being works. I think that's where proverbial statements like "Better late than never" or "You always want what you can't have" come from: from the inadequacy of the human mind to rationalize that you truly do always want what you cannot have in order for you to take action to get it before its gone. It is just at what levels the individual is determined to attaining that which "you cannot have." I believe you can have whatever you want in this life, no doubt. It just takes a little patience, timing, strategy and never-let-die determination. Plus, if you put in the hard work early on towards the prize, then it typically holds for a longer shelf life (if your lucky).

Call me Lucky.

I know I love her. There is no doubt in my mind. It doesn't matter what fleeting carnal thoughts of being with other women tend to be tossed across the playing field in my mind, I always come back to her. I've already experienced being with another woman before besides her, and it just wasn't the same. So maybe we've already attached ourselves to each other, pending that she is content with the life we lead these days. It gets better every day, and that's what keeps her going, because we have a purpose and a destiny in our business career.

But one of the things I realized recently is that I need her to be sane. I mean, I don't know that I NEED her, but I know that if I were put in a day without her or the thought of her, I wouldn't be me. So I believe that it would constitute as a need. I could be without her, but I refuse to be simply because it doesn't make sense to my logical mind and my emotional heart. But the dilemma arises: I forget some of the things that we both connect on.

Call it a change of lifestyle or perspective since I personally have matured and grown towards a different life, but this living together and not being married thing seems to pay its toll. Maybe that's why the Bible (and all its standards of living) says that it is living in sin that way...because if there is no commitment to one another or to a marriage, then it is easy to think you could stray. I have yet to have read that passage, but it wouldn't matter too much anyways because Emily doesn't believe in any of it and would think that I was strange for wanting to move out...or even to get married. So the crossroads come again; find a way to live together happy or find another way.

I need stability in my life these days. Being that I am sanguine and have trouble organizing, I see that some sort of stability to point to would be better than none. So I am going to focus on stabilizing my work habits and my relationship. These two are for specific reasons. Work habits held consistent lead to a healthy career. And thank God this career is better than the other options out there corporate-wise. *Side note* Its the small amounts of income at first that deter people from believing it to be a worthwhile career. But people don't have enough faith in themselves and other people, thus they miss out on this chance to have lifestyle *End side note*. A relationship is another human life to confide in and to see as the source of all things with strength and immediate happiness. Long term happiness can be had from such a repetition of ONLY this type of short term gratification, because the feeling will grow enough to sustain itself over time (even in death, I believe, if the love is real and the eventual track to the story is understood; that love is created to outlast this lifetime). So a relationship leads to a healthy life simply because, for me at least, the purpose of life is to sustain and create life for as long as possible. How do we create life, besides the obvious? By speaking it into existence and spreading joy to all the world; it becomes the shield behind unexpected death, if you will. One person is just as important as the other, as I said before, simply because we all have the same power to breed life or death.

Wow, so definitely a tangent there. But point being, is that everyone deserves to be loved every single day. And the backbone of any relationship is conversation and communication. If you truly love someone, you will give them your all each and every day, because you never know what lies in tomorrow. Hence, know who you are and whose you are each day, and never falter in your beliefs. I've been giving our future my all, and not our present. I finally figured out that I can give her everything without giving her everything right now. All she or anyone needs is love and faithful understanding, and the rest will follow. I believe, through this life I've chosen, that we are meant to have all the wealth of memories and worldly goods beit as our future allows. So already, we will have an amazing life. But the only thing I can control is if that exists today and for the second alone.

Therefore, love needs constant reminders for the beginnings of its journey as it will continue to sustain life; until the next wave settles and yet another swell will continue its movement forward. I have to let her know how important she is in her own language which is Quality Time at least once per sight daily, but once per week in a date setting. That's how she talks, and I wasn't listening. I was speaking Japanese, at least I think so. :) Haha, I love being creative and witty. But back to the show. I have to treat her like she's my biggest business, since I've invested the most time into her over the years. Once a week minimum is quite deserving, if you ask me. I'm hoping the consistent-and-persistent, repetition-being-the-mother-of-all-skill theories will push me to become more organized in this sense and then be able to fit more time in to please her. I mean, after all, she does make me the happiest...now I just have to remind myself why and strengthen those connections to dilute the foul ones that no longer exist (in getting intoxicated with substances as we once did growing up). Thats why I'm excited about this business and the pleasures of life it will bring, simply because of the constant memories and fun it will bring for my girl. Its what she deserves and what she wants, so therefore she needs it.

Be the person you want to attract to you, and you will find that the strong example you set forth will magnetize at a higher rate than the old habits of the person you used to be. Power of association and being the example is key. Become so fun to be around that everyone will want to be next to you. These are things that I once heard and have finally risen to the surface. I love being taught good lessons in life.

Lead by example

Just got back from Kelley's place, and realizing a LOT about where I'm at in life, love and business. It is quite interesting to watch myself change as the mental gears continue to turn and the clicks tend to continue. Always a giving and loving person, I have become less worried about helping everyone else and finding that it is easier to allow people to grow on their own God-given abilities. Plus, when you've been working with someone or a group for 6 months teaching them what you know, how to get to where you are, and pouring your thought process/heart into them, you had better believe that they are ready to take the exercise and put it into routine. Sometimes it is just easier to move along and trust your faith will not let you down. My goal is to lead by example.

There really is so little time to put towards multiple projects in life. It is easy to lose focus, but the good thing is that it is not so for me. Focus is my slave, and I am its master. Its time to take everything that I have learned in my life up until now and put it into action to produce the future I have started to design for myself. I know the wealth of information has already begun to pour out. I have claimed my team as "My Team" and noone elses. No one is going to come in and grow my business team like I can, nor do I want them to. It would be unproductive, knowing that my thought process would interfere at such a time.

Side note: It's cool watching other people dress up for halloween and be just as happy as they are every day as opposed to just in that one moment. It was SO tempting to want to stop by an Amigos party and hang out with everyone, but I know that would be folding on the hand that I have held for myself when the cards were dealt some odd year and a half ago. But its fulfilling knowing that no one but I will determine my destiny, and no influences to ease the pressure are needed. I'm a strong individual these days, on the edge of stubbornness if you will, and my passion flows heavily through my veins.

So needless to say, this next phase is going to be the most interesting one. All the signs are in favor of building this thing big though: location, right timing, momentum and the economy all point towards our initiative to give people a way out. Our creativity in this stage is going to have a bearing on how our organization shapes up, and I believe it is going to be the defining moment of what we do with our team for the next 5 years. Do it once, and never work on it again they said. Excited to see the results pan out and teach from it to help others do the same as we are, but BETTER.

Update

Man, it truly has been a long time coming, but I am finally writing on the blog again. Things have been quite productive in life, being that the focus has been kept and great people have been coming into my life. The business is running well, meeting a lot of newer people and making decisions to move the ship on big in this next 5 months. Its time for a change. Everyone is ready to move forward with their business, because they have realized their dreams and goals are just around the corner. And it is a priviledge to be able to help them achieve it. The only thing that separates them from me is time spent, experiences and a deep inner desire to do what it takes. But they have already found that in their lives, and it is beginning to manifest. 2 years from now, we will be doing whatever we want, whenever we want with whomever we want, and I couldn't be more excited.

I am going through a LOT of personal growth myself. Spiritually, socially, in my relationship, and with my family. There is a tight bond that exists in each and everyone of them. It was just a matter of knowing what it took to strengthen each one. I believe that in every type of area of life that you have to speak bold about what you believe in, and you will find that people by default will believe in you. Its called passion. Kelley Bremer says it is one of my fortes. I figure if I focus on that area of my life, that the rest of what could potentially hold me back from achieving my goals in life will become nonexistent. If you don't speak it, it does not exist, so I've learned. There is a saying by a spiritual scholar named Freddy Price, where "death and life are in the power of the tongue". You can bring people up or you can tear them down with your words. You can make light of things by the words you speak, or they will be hidden under shadows with the words that you lack on the subject.

It all stems back to the power of the human mind, which I am now realizing. I am sure I have said it before, but if you believe you are something, and speak it enough, your subconscious mind won't let you NOT believe it. You can convince yourself into failure or unlimited success. Bottom Line. The only reason that many will not achieve that is because in a complicated society's eyes, a saying like that is too simple. Maybe that is what separates the Greats of this life from the critics and those who have failed; People simply worry too much, overcomplicate too much and focus too little. Hustle and bustle is the new age killer of success. Not enough people are convicted to one cause, but scattered over many. Their mental eggs are hidden in too many bushes for the masses to discover. But the power of all those pieces put together will far surpasss even the most successful people of this life. It takes consistency, good focus, never letting up, and a plethora of passion. You can't fight with someone who has already decided to win. You'd be wasting your time. Its indecision that brings flighty-ness. Make a decision, be a man (or woman), stick to it, immerse yourself in it, and you will never falter. Even if it takes you 40 years to get it right, you will be remembered for it and stand tall above the 98%. Leaving a legacy is the key to existence. Because you can live far beyond your years if you have a following with a purpose. Purpose lives longer than the human itself. It is body-less, not subject to the emotions, and has its own spirit that lives indefinitely.

If people only knew it was that easy. Its reprogramming their minds to think otherwise that is the task. But its your mind, and noone elses. Take hold of it like your own child, and don't let anyone poison it.

A reason and a "why" of mine.

I just happened to stumble across this Myspace blog that my brother wrote in his steps towards graduating High School and transitioning into the real world. It truly touched me, knowing that him and I are a part of a bigger cause, and reminds me why I do what I do every single day. There are men in this world that inspire me, but none more so than my little brother who has chosen to step out of the crowd and be the bearer of the highest standards among his peers. He is going to win big time in this life and I couldn't be more proud of him. Watch what happens 5 years from now when the Nangle boys conquer the world, Together. Don't worry, we won't let you down.

It reads:
In honor of Manuel. Current mood: energetic
After seeing my friend Manuel's new blog, I suddenly became inspired to write my own.I can honestly say that I cannot recognize myself from my freshman year. I have changed so much in my thinking, my attributes, and my life. To think that I could grow up into such a man, far greater than my parent's expectations makes me feel amazing.I have always strived to be better than average; having better than the average person; however, not materialistic. I know my morals and ideals and practice them daily, holding true to the musings that help me live life in the greatest way possible. Almost about to graduate with honors from Colonial H.S. and very close to graduating from Valencia after just turning 18 years old, I feel very accomplished with my life. I feel even more accomplished following my elders influence as well. For example, I have always looked up to my brother because I know he will be successful one day. I have copied the way he acts, the way he thinks, and even some quotes from his blogs!

But you know what, following the greatest people in life will reap the rewards. I have already started seeing results in the way I talk to people. I have let negativety go and hardly let anyone get to me anymore. I can't remember the last time a friend upset me, other than my girlfriend; however, this is natural. I've learned how to manage my time more efficiently in a way I can accomplish more in a day, and I have fun doing it. I enjoy life day by day and rarely encounter boredom. I think my biggest accomplishment is agreeing to be apart of business, but you want to know why? I trust my brother. I simply love my brother and I think he is the best role model in the world. He knows what he wants and tackles his dreams one step at a time. He has structure in his life and I as well. Having structure in life grants great benefits. "Proper structure proceeds predictable results" and I know this affirmation will be in my life for a very long while. I have been able to structure my life so much that I would bet anyone could not match me. I know exactly what I want in life, and if I don't want something, I'll show it. Having synthesized my elders and observed closely, I know the mistakes I need to avoid. For example, drinking and smoking, two of the most addicting forms of stress-relieving aids; however, I know how to relieve stress and do not need to fit in with others to screw up my life. If anyone wants to try to persuade me to do something, that person will debate with me for hours, possibly even weeks before that person starts to understand they have an addiction.

To me, having a life is a blessing. Seeing hundreds of people dieing of stupid mistakes makes me think about the repercussions of those actions and that leaves a lasting impression. I don't give into peer pressure very easily, and if I do, it creates more of a benefit than a defecit. I tend to stay out of drama in school as I think it is incredibly childish. People can think what they believe, but I can honestly say I have made more friends by staying out of it than I would have made creating it. In less than three weeks, High School ends for me and the real world is coming, but I am incredibly prepared for what is coming towards me. I know what I want, I don't let others influence me unless they will benefit me, and I know the mistakes of others. I am going to take classes this summer at VCC while enjoying the summer at various clinics and camps for percussion, making some money part time at Red Lobster as a server. During the fall, I start the marching knights at UCF, in the winter, I start Timber Creek Independent Winter Drumline, and next summer, the most exciting thing to happen to me, Drum Corps. I am also fired up about the business I will be generating over this time period. With Manny running with me to the top, I will enjoy this year with a new great friend. After high school ends, many of the people that will read this I will not talk to, and that's fine. We all have different goals in life. Those that stick around will be the ones I cherish in life. Having said all of that, I'm most definitely on the road to success and for those who don't believe me, I will see you five years down the road.

Update: 8 months away from a new beginning

I've made it a point to write in this journal again because it has always been something I've enjoyed; sharing thoughts, analyzing many decisions and milestones, and placing a bookmark in the myriad of chapters in our lives. It used to be that I would always write to vent about the problems that I have experienced or the hurts that came to ail my oh-so-undeveloped heart and soul. But nowadays, it is all about cloud nine status. Sure, I continue to feel the stress of the average, mediocre life that I am imprisoned to at the time, but not for long. The desire for a better than average life has emerged from me like that alien-thing that was impregnated into Sigourney Weaver's belly in the movie Alien: it seeded itself into the nourishing arteries of her body and became part of her, one with her. And although it took longer than the typical alien baby does to poke its head into the world, this desire to achieve great things (backed with the actual willingness to work hard for it) has been born. It is truly a burning desire that rages inside of me, almost to the point of anger when a minute in the day has not been contributed to the vehicle that will drive me to a better stay for my future family. I know that there are few opportunities in life to live above the rest and survive outside of the hinderances of the dollar bill. So therefore take this season in my adventure towards a new freedom quite seriously.

Think about this...what decisions in life are NOT made because of a financial status or income? When you are born, your 2 day stay in a hospital costs money. The gas that gets you home, the quality of yo crib (ha), the diapers...all that stuff. Really, the quality of one's life comes from the demeanor and love of the parents. But what causes a parent to go off on a child, forget to have patience and love for a child, miss a football game, a ballet recital, or even get a divorce? Money. That evil that comes from needing the green paperback which so proudly displays our historical background in the style of the Presidents of the past and the value of trust in God. In God We Trust. Or should it say "In God We Trust That This Dollar Bill Won't Rule Every Decision We Make?" Because really the only thing that keeps us patient, kind, and understanding of the financial decisions we must make in light of the economy is our faith; faith that we can either outearn the problem or that God will provide. That is when our faith comes handy, and typically when a majority of people revert back to their once-strengthened faith. God wants us all to prosper, but the activation of faith is what will allow us to. Simply asking for the wisdom and courage to do something about it every single day is the way to success, to outearn every problem (whilst keeping in mind that money will NEVER buy happiness, but can extinguish certain anguish). God can't bless what you don't do to change the world AND your world, so I've learned.

My journey to outearn the dilemmas of the dollar bill have brought me to a pretty good spot in life. It hasn't been easy, but is easier than most corporate setups that I will never have to experience. Forget about the layoffs, long hours, losing out on quality family time and laziness on the weekends because of fatigue. It has been more of an internal battle for me to be successful in this arena. But I believe that overcoming the internal struggle (finding out who you are, focusing on only your strengths, developing in all areas of life, learning how to win friends and influence people in the right direction, and discover what we are all made of) will make anyone successful in all areas of life. A friend of mine and I were having coffee and analyzing life (stimulating the brain, so to speak) and I realized that what Rene Descartes said in his famous philosophical writings, however simple and out there as it may sound, "I think therefore I am" is a saying to live by. The kicker is strengthening your mind and stretching yourself everyday to learn how to deal with all situations both uncomfortable and uncommon. That way when you think you are something, you will become it with ease knowing that there will always be failures that elicit almost certain successes. If you just believe without a shadow of a doubt that you will be the President of the United States, for example, then what you have done is now decided in your mind of mental toughness that you are the President of the United States. Now it is simply a matter of the clock ticking before you are there. All you have to do now is take the necessary steps with courage and faith and you will do exactly whatever you have to do to get there. Once you make a decision on true faith, you are unstoppable. It doesn't matter how tough the road is, the trial and trebulations are not enough to stop you in your tracks. And if they do, then the desire was never strong enough. But a goal in life backed with a workable plan and passion to fuel it can never be replaced. It is the power of expectancy that drives a man or woman to do great things.

In March of 2009, I will have outearned if not replaced my Red Lobster income. I will still continue to work there until it makes sense to leave, because by that time I will actually enjoy working there because it will be for fun and not for the money. (Side note: If you truly love/like your job, would you do it for free?) In December of 2009, my girl will not ever have to work for another company ever again, as there will be enough extra income to allow her to stay home and plan our life together. She will be 23 years old and never see the artificial light of a corporate building, and that is my promise to her because she supported me when no one else believed in me or believed in themselves. By December of 2010, a strong 6 figure income is guaranteed to be rolling in, and it will make sense to step away from any sort of active-style income and commit full time to the projects at hand to help other ppl achieve greatness and success in life. By that time, it will be the start of planning a crazy life with the ones I love and help them see the life that we were intended to lead: to enjoy the fruits of His labor, to inspire others into greatness, and to help as many people on this earth with the abundance of income that will continue to flow from the business system we started in June of 07. All it will have took is 3 and 1/2 years of focus that liberated my family from a life of average, a melody of mediocrity, and a common charade that we like to call "the good life." Retired before 30, never a job ever again, freedom to do whatever we please. We cheated the system by 35+ years. Sounds crazy, huh?

And it's funny because everyone in this world has the same opportunity that I did. The only difference is in a simple choice to take this life on faith, take the other road less travelled and spend a couple of years to do something different than normal with the help of a mentor and a team thats willing to do the work for you. And that's only the beginning. Mark my words...starting in March of 09, these journal entries will sound quite different. I only hope that I will be able to translate the peace of my life then into words of wisdom and inspiration that can be understood by the common man. I am no better than anyone in this world, but I knew that I couldn't lose, that we were meant to live for so much more than 9-5, I-4 traffic and separation of families. I want love beyond measure, memories to last many lifetimes, and all the great things that life has to offer...and I will have it.

God, if they could only read this and let me show them the way. It's so much easier than living a life of same old same old, cyclical in nature, pounding the alarm clock, dreading the layoff, fearing the shifts of the economy. Give me the strength, the inspiration, words of enthusiasm and the courage to help them all make the best decision of their lives. And give me the means to build trust and friendship with each and every one, so that they may too see the vision I have for this uncommon life we are about to lead.