Euphoria

Define: a standard term of emotion to mean intense, transcendent happiness combined with an overwhelming sense of well being.

Cool!

When you live your life in different locations, you don't take vacations.

I just got back from taking my nuclear family to the cruise port for their annual Holiday cruise. I skipped out this year for many reasons: thinking that I would be in Colorado with the team, saving Mom money (because she funds her vacations all on credit it seems), and because of delayed gratification. But I felt a sinking feeling watching them walk towards the loading dock. Typically, the sinking feeling comes when its Sunday or you just get back from your vacation and you have to go back to work the next day. But it seems that I wanted to be with them on that trip. Thoughts ran rampant through my head as to why I didn't decide to go on the cruise with them and my lovely girl. I even considered myself stupid for not doing so for a split second. But I know that I will be able to do soooo many things that I want, travel with whomever I want and fund the whole thing, never having to think about money ever again.

I had this picture of Emily and I in Japan, with beanies and scarfs on standing in the snow with the foreign signs and people in the back drop, taking one of those patented "Extend-o-arm" shots as the snowflakes rest on our noses and our smiles are wider than the Panama canal. I came back to reality, with my hands still on the steering wheel and my eyesight subconsciously focusing on the road, as the radio was playing Coldplay's "Lovers in Japan" and I realized that it was still a ways away. But when this moment does happen, I know a strong feeling of Deja Vu will overcome me and my heart will smile.

About to get ready for work to serve some salsa, chips and a smile. :)

Emily called me this morning in one of her drunken hazes as she often does when she is out of town. But there was a different tone to the conversation. I felt as if she was truly interested in telling me about her drunken Tallahassee party experience and wanted my full attention. I don't know if it was just the alcohol or the loneliness of being the only one awake at the house that she was staying at, but I was enjoying that she was enjoying my attention. And then after we parted on the phone for the first time, I woke up again to the sound of the phone vibrating and it was her again. She told me how much she missed me and wished that we were next to each other, wondering when we would see each other next (as if she didn't know). She explained that she couldn't wait to see me on Sunday. Even in the sleepy haze that I was in and the drunken state that she was in, I felt a warmth from the conversation that I hadn't felt in quite some time. It could have very well been that our minds were in other places, but it was a great feeling that I enjoyed thoroughly. I cannot wait to see her on Sunday, even though I may quite well be slightly intoxicated for a christmas party at Amigos. But I have been praying that our relationship find the very thing that ignited the flame in our love when we first met, independent of any of the intoxication and fully dependent on those valuable moments we had staring into each others eyes and endulging upon the touch of one another. There's something about the winter time that multiplies that emotion as well. Maybe it is the psychological notion that a new year is about to begin? And in the cheer of the holiday, we are made to forget about the negative of the past or current to our lives and bring out the best in one another, starting over or renewing our minds.

To be free in the mind during the holidays must be an enjoyable experience for many, but not having to work or answer to anyone and being truly free must simply be euphoric. I cannot wait to experience all of life's beauty and goodies.

***Maybe my life's purpose is to create a euphoric life for myself along with those that I love and write about my experiences to reach out to millions; to let them know that it is truly worth fighting for, this thing called freedom. Letting people know it is obtainable and real, now that's a good reason why. Forget Utopia, how about Euphoria?

Looking forward to christmas without school and more time with the ones I love, this is Spunkyitalian peacin' out.

Word.

Lol. Goofball moment.

Use the pivot foot, Damnit

I am at one of those pivotal moments in my life where I am growing, changing and having to make big boy decisions. Funny how we always stumble over rocks on the dirt-tread path but, like I've realized, it only makes us stronger. Whether it be in professional life, love life, scholarly life, I am always thinking about something as to make my situation as ideal as possible. But not only just for me, but for her as well. I care so much about her, and I truly believe that our life together has been fantastic. I just don't know if we are on the same page as much anymore. She doesn't know what she wants, I believe, and because of it the indecision flows freely through the air and creates a mysterious mist that places a haze in front of me. One thing I learned that really connected with me when I was listening to it: Love is a choice, not by chance.

I was listening to an audio recording of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Great book by the way, even though I listened to it...hehe. Ambitiously lazy I am, but I got a lot of value out of it. Although dealing primarily with marriages, I saw principles that were outside of the realm of committed relationships and even saw a bit of my upbringing in my parents marriage (both past and present). There is literally a psychology to everything, simply due to the fact that everyone has their own unique opinions. Whether they are accepted widely or not, published for many to read or no, they are simply opinions stemmed from experience and intense, lengthy observation. So needless to say, being that love is a choice, two people have to be willing to speak each other's "Love Language" for there to exist love. What you may think is gratifying and beneficial to the other person may very well not be in their minds, although intentionally thoughtful. You must learn what makes them tick and what they appreciate above all things (quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, or physical touch) as a primary method of communicating your love to them. I determined that mine is Words of Affirmation, because I absolutely LOVE when people build me up with words. It probably stems from my upbringing and the lack of it growing up, so I deduced in listening. But either way, in present day, I love positive conversation and words of encouragement, while criticism absolutely disgusts me. I believe Physical Touch is my secondary one because it is not strictly sex that I long for, but the kiss and the loving touch of another. But don't get me wrong, I believe sex has a realm of passion and intimacy that most do not get to experience because they are not willing to, and because I always want the most out of life, I therefore believe it is essential at least in my love with another. Man, with this information, people could live such better lives. But they would have to be willing to apply it. Altruism. All these principles are not just to do with courtship and relationships. They also have to do with friendships and raising children. If people would be willing to be less selfish and more selfless, only giving it their all in order to receive it all, they would find a true love that surpasses any euphoria of human capacity...at least I believe it. Therefore I will conceive it. (Dr. Seuss moment).

Kelley Bremer sent me this text today, and it really got me thinking: "Need + Emotional Why= Motivation." Well, I've BEEN thinking, but it reignited the thought for me that has been going through my head. I haven't been as productive as I would like to be in business, and it all has to do with "what I have, what I want, why I want it which reveals what I need, and what I would be willing to sacrifice to have it?" That progression of thoughts in itself should stretch anyone in this settle-for-it world. But I have no drive and, to be honest, have not for the past 3 months it seems (now that I take a step back and look at myself without kidding myself). My business projects will get done, I just don't know if March is the goal anymore. This would be fine, as September we will go over no problem and with the right people. It sucks, but I don't think God would have let me have the team that I couldn't handle. So I'm studying this business like crazy right now, growing myself as much as possible and doing whatever it takes to reach the levels I have set out for myself. But back to my original KB text; It got me thinking. I'm not motivated, so that must mean that one of the variables in the equation are off, faulty or nonexistent. I will not settle with the Q word, so I need to be successful this year in 2009. I need to be a key player on the team so I can impact peoples lives like I desire to. I need to live a life second to none and beat out the odds of retirement for my mental health and to prove to my family that you can make the best out of life. So I need things, but there are some things that I want that have yet to become needs. And it most likely comes into play with an emotional why. I have heard this somewhere before, but cannot coin it to just one person, so it is said that "If it doesn't make you cry, then it isn't your why." And I cannot think of the last time I was even remotely NEAR crying. I can think of two instances: watching my mom cry about her life and where it is, and watching Larry Winters talk about his experience with Danny Snipes and how much he truly cared. In those instances, you could see that there were real people involved with real struggles and there was someone reaching out for help. I want to help everyone, if I can. But if I cannot even help myself, I cannot help others. So in conclusion to this slew of wordiness, I am in search of the one thing that I would die for and can cry for. I need an emotional why and that in itself is a need. I need something or someone worth committing to that will move me to great lengths and shut out any of the garbage in my life that keeps me from excelling. I know it is right there. I wish someone would flip on the lights, as blinded as I am today.

I WILL be okay, and I will come out stronger and more certain than I have ever been. I know that much. I was meant to do great things, and to impact lives no doubt. And this is my vehicle no doubt. Nothing else burns inside of me but this; the urge to be a Successful Man in America and make the dream real.