It's the principle...

Hi mom,
First off, let me make this clear. This has nothing to do with that car anymore than you think it does. It has exceeded that for some reason, and I think it is because you dont trust me. You say that you are afraid to put your name on my car, but yet right now you have already done that and can "easily be sued" if I were to "kill someone" in a car accident with the Corolla. Well, thanks right off the bat for having high hopes for me when im driving. I guess it kinda plays on that whole idea of not trusting me. And you really proved your point today when you said you know for certain that it was my fault, or just as equally my fault, in the accident where some guy hit my back end. Well, put two and two together...a guy hits me on my left side only when I make a right lane change, and from the back, at that. It isnt illegal to make a lane change, its just a way for someone to blame an accident on someone when they dont understand the situation. And so what if I were to have hit that guy in the back end, would it have changed your mind about buying a new Corolla? It doesn't make sense how you can criticize me on my horrible driving skills, or so it seems, and tell me that buying a new car will increase my chances of getting you in trouble. Well, I want the insurance to be under my name for your sake, because i understand your point of view and how it makes you uncomfortable. But understand that I have been paying for everything for the longest time...or at least for major purchases...and have always been responsible without your help financially (unless you call your credit financial help). But I pay my own bills all the time, know my limits and restrictions, and think that you overexxagerate way too much. You say I am ungrateful for everything....BIG BUNCH OF BULLSHIT. You know very well how thankful for everything I am. You say I am greedy...how am i being greedy by asking you to sign a piece of paper that lets me do the exact same thing that I am doing now but just at a different price that I can afford with the extra money I work so hard for. Your credit shouldn't be your lifeline like you said it was...and you know that because it is a big issue of pride when it comes to your credit score that I always respected/respect that and would never ever jeopardize that for you in any way. So why trust me now with this Corolla...whats the difference between this car and the next...in fact the next would be completely under my name, Insurance wise and title wise. All I asked you in the first place was to be there for me and just let someone know that you are my mom and have full and complete trust in me...as unimportant of an action as car buying is, it sure seems to reveal alot about you and your feelings towards me. So lets talk freedom now...you say I need to be on my own if im gonna be free...is that what you really want, or are you just shoving the concept of freedom in my face so that you can twist it into this bad experience that we all have to deal with. I do not depend on you in any way except for through emotional support and family ties, and I could cut that off easily and anytime that i wanted to, IF i had the desire to, which i dont. I always help you out...and you want to know the biggest thing I ever did for you? I grew up to be what you wanted me to be; reliable, self-sufficient, hard working, intelligent, and someone different. Now that I am that person, you scold me on numerous occasions for wanting to be that. How do you think that makes me feel? Mom, your never gonna lose me if i have a say in it. Ill always be your first child, always care about you the same, always love you for what you have made me, and always long to model your caring behavior in this family. But you have to let me make my own choices, yet not shut me out like you are trying to do. You want my stuff out? Ill take it if that petty action will relieve all of the stress and anguish you apparently feel when I am around. I do you the biggest favor each day by being me, who you wanted me to be soo bad, and now you criticize me for being me and wanting the things I do in life. I call you then a hypocrite based on the premise that you always wanted me to follow my heart and do whatever made me happy. Let me be happy, because you are holding me back.
And this is all my opinion on this part, but I think you take out your stress on everyone else that cares about you exclusively, and you do it way too much for comfort. I thank you for always working so hard to support us as a family, but you have let it consume you, and it seems all that matters to you is work work work. I was surprised when a couple of weeks ago you were about to chop off my head for saying I didn't care about Red Lobster. Ashley put it best when she told me that college kids arent gonna care, because their future lives probably wont involve the company, and they just go to work to get their money and leave. That's it...and it's the truth, because no one at Red Lobster (but Emily) cares about ME! They could give two shits...and its because they are looking out for themselves in this harsh world filled with emptiness and backstabbing friendship. They only care to get what they can out of you, through whatever mockery of a friendly routine that they put on for you to watch and play in. I do care about things though, including school, which I am also doing for you and your expectations for me and my future. I know what I am doing with my life, just trust me. And if it comes down to some stupid car to show you how much faith you hold in me, then dont even worry about it, because really the only reason I mentioned how excited i was for the low insurance payment was because of just that...I was excited that i could make my own decisions and hope that you would always give me your approval in anything I do. I would have been happy with a reasonable explanation, but I didnt even get that...all I got was that you were afraid for your future rather than mine. You want to talk about being selfish too...how selfish is that to think that only you has to suffer ever. What about Dad, who got screwed over on a job that he was good at? What about all of the cars that he wanted to stay in and ended losing to you by your decision? Or all of the vacations that you wanted to go on rather than save for the moments that Dad wanted to spend. Sure, you deserve your hundred vacations because you work hard, but then so does everyone else who works hard to some how make it and make it right in this one life that we are given.

You arent the only one in this world, Mom, sorry to say. Look inside of yourself, not on the outside, and also look around at everyone who is just like you...human. Everyone else has goals, desires, feelings, and we as two of the same body are always supposed to be there for each other through thick and thin. But if you can help it, stop laying it on thick as you consistently do with me. You aren't signing your life away like you think you do.

Make your own movie in life

I haven't written on this thing for so long. I'm not really surprised though, because I am so content with my life right now. I mean sure things have gone wrong recently, like 56 % scores on my Chemistry (which I could really care less about because it just isnt interesting to me anymore) and some other of my classes have been giving me trouble. But life with Emily keeps me chugging along past the most indescribable distances that life has to offer. She keeps my head clear, allows my brain to breath freely, and, above all, have amazing sorts of fun that only her eyes and mine can see. We laugh about everything, talk about everything, joke about everything, eat everything (lol) and could not enjoy it anymore with anyone else. I look forward to every second with my love, because every ounce of time spent with her brings a lively spirit to my soul that keeps me alive and well. We often talk about moving in together, and just the thought of having a place of our own together brings great joy to my mind. We will have so much fun together with our own place, including the whole process of making it our own. But thats the future, so I have to focus on the now, which is just as perfect of an idea...with the right person.
Last night, Emily forced me to watch Minority Report which I really didn't think would be a great movie. But stupid me, I should have known how similar of a taste the two of us have together. Two words, f#$king awesome! Think of a combination between the world of the Matrix and of the future and you have this movie down pat. I suggest watching it, you won't be dissapointed.
Thinking of movies, all I can think of is how many movies Em and I still have to watch and share with each other (since some movies have only been seen and enjoyed by one of us). Sometimes I like to believe that my love for watching movies will be my path for life, as if there were a movie for every subject and every occasion. Watching movies brings people together and puts them on the same level of mentality as the other who thinks similarly. So put two people together who think the same and dream the same and you have a perfect movie watching couple...lol. Just a random thought I guess, but I wonder if every movie watched in my lifetime will be shared with such a beautiful and perfect woman as she. That would drive my life to such a beautiful production of itself, complete with a perfect beginning, continuously rising action always, multiple climaxes along the rising mountain of the plot, and an ending that could only satisfy a unique romantic comedy. If I were to ever make that movie, I could tell you one thing, you'd be jealous but overzealous, and you'd watch it over and over till all of your tears of indulgence ran dry...then you decided to find that perfect person to fill the part of the main character that will ultimately coerce you into your own story fit to be made into a movie for all to see...start filming!