1 Ball Corner Pocket

Ya know, its funny how I hear about so many people just getting drunk and getting into some porno-idealistic hot sex scene and raving about how awesome it was. Well, let me tell you, that apparently only lasts in the moment. And for some that is good enough, allowing them to overlook any emotional ideals or wondering thoughts of love, focusing on where the relationship goes from here. I, on the other hand, have never imagined myself in such a predicament nor have I ever been in a drunken sex position...until now. But I don't think of it as drunken sex. Rather I shall deem it a high-speed chase through a tunnel of passionate love making. I could never just fuck. Fucking is for people needing to satisfy their bodies' wants and are too lazy to just do it themselves, therefore risking the heart break of another. Call me old fashioned, but what ever happened to chivalry or, in a less harsher sense, the guy sweeping the girl off of her feet and thus pleasing the both of them.

Clue me in to when sex all of a sudden became a game by means of win, lose or draw. Why not just win all the time?

Anywho back to my previous choo choo of tunnel-driven thought...

When you are buzzed, drunk at the point of not being wasted or spinning, all of your insecurities, uncertainties, and stray thoughts are cancelled out. Those are the ideas that are beyond the perpendicular line of straight eyesight and bend either in an obtuse or acute fashion (give or take 10 degrees on either extreme). You start to focus on what matters most in your mind and what heals your hardened heart, ultimately what makes you the happiest. If you are in love, you tend to think of it in a more focused sense and can have the most passionate sex and call it love. Sometimes its hard to give someone the love that they deserve when you are a guy in my position (which is always thinking and with a mind not obedient to his master). We all wander in thought, just there is a time and a place to do it and not to do it. Still haven't figured out how to surpass that challenge that poses itself as a mountain of despair. But I can tell you it has a lot to deal with knowing that someone loves you with all percentages of their fractional heart. When intoxicated, you focus on how much you love that person and cannot think otherwise, because your crazed love for that person exceeds all boundaries, climbing the highest mountains twice over. Same goes for those sex gods that end up sleeping with people and ditching them a week later...only with different motivation and thought patterns. They have no emotions to worry about and could care less about falling in love. But they are missing out, they cannot feel that incredible satisfaction after working so hard to obtain it and understand it completely. Call me a realist, or call me crazy, but love is truly a challenge worth taking on. Alcohol will cancel it out momentarily, but helps you to see a different take on love and feelings. Amazing love making (which is sex to some, or a good fuck...whatever really) can come from sweet love and devotion of the body and soul. Its worth the wait and worth discovering it.

Oh and by the way James, the pool table finally came around...

What Coach Reveals

Today was a productive day...besides waking up at 1030 to eat bagels, we went into Berkeley to visit a place called Bay Street. Emily's brother Troy regaled us with stories of his once thuggish life of running stop signs on a bike while stoned, jumping kids with attitude, and "ripping" days. He kindly showed us the strip where numerous stores, dining options, and entertainment spots resided. It was interesting...the strip of stores really screamed out "California!". We went to the Coach store and realized that the saying holds true for all women; once you get one Coach purse, you will never go back! Emily kept wondering if maybe today she wanted one...and I even told her I would buy her another just to see her smile, but her indecisive nature and heightened love for me above all (so she says...lol) turned her away from it (3 times we left and returned to be exact).

We ate at P.F. Changs for the first time and were not really impressed with the food. It seemed that the horse statue at the front was more interesting than the taste of the food or the personality of the slowest waiter alive.

Nice Corvy! Cali Style...

I've been thinking about living here one day. It is so beautiful with its lush mountainous landscape and city lights at night. The fog atop the hills, the largely cluttered downtown cities, the big bridges and prodigious pacific seem to catch my eye while stimulating blood flow to the rest of my body.

Oh, and a quote for the day realized while in the Coach store...
Beauty fades but love will last forever.
Funny how some choose that in which the pleasure is limited...

Randomness of being away from home

*Random thought*
Starving for attention will never fully satisfy your hunger...not even by satisfaction through self-pity.
Only the love of another can provide the means by which you are fed and taken proper care of. Though it may sometimes not be appropriate to put that responsibility into the hands of someone who does not realize the concavity of your heart's stomach.
On another note...Having a great time in California with Emily and her sis AND her kids. Kinda makes me want some of my own, so I'm just gonna go and pick some up from the drug store on the way home. This place is beautiful! Pictures to be posted in a couple of days! Miss ya Florida!

Pierce me

Two more days till we leave for California. The trip is going to be awesome! Me and Em will be away for two weeks without school, work, or any annoying parents...at least mine...lol j/k. I might as well update you on me and all the interesting stuff going on in my life.

Recently I got my tongue pierced like I said that I would do like 2 months ago. Just took off 3 days from work and got it done on a monday, and had to work on thursday with it still swollen. Thsssat wasssth fun trrryin to taulk wisth a bolth in my mousth. But now its almost healed and I can start thinking about getting a different looking bolt in my mouth that isn't hard ass steel and wont knock against my teeth everytime I go to stick my tongue in my girlfriend's mouth...hehe

A friend in need deserves a Corona indeed

I found an instance where I must write about something because it is truly monumental and a quite memorable occasion. So Ashley has always heard of me getting drunk or drinking and never liked the fact of it. Well, yesterday (rather the day before yesterday), she pulls a 180 on me and finally starts to see me eye to eye instead of giving me a shoulder without animation. She tells me that she wants to get drunk, or might want to get drunk to be quoting her correctly. But I instantly took that as "Ok, YOUR GETTING DRUNK!" So Emily, being the most amazing person that she is, buys us our beer for the night and makes way for Tampa to see her friends that she doesn't see very often, including HER ex Brian. Ironic huh? Both of us drank with our ex's. Anywho, we went to see Batman Begins, and things started a bit uneasy just because we hadn't seen a movie together since god knows when and I could understand the awkwardness. But my main focus was getting the two of us to be the best of friends and be more comfortable around each other. This includes the all-so-obvious focus on laughing, talking, and enjoying the other's company.
Drinking time! We get to Emily's apartment, where we decided to drink (since we are not necessarily 21 and can't get away with drinking in a bar or having an open container around a party), and I show her the place. I hoped greatly for my best friend Ashley to just lay back, relax, have a good time and not feel weird in an apartment where I "fuck {my} girlfriend just in the other room" (Ashley, The story of my life, p. 69). That quote came later...
Playing cards with a corona in our hands, lime included, we drink a bit and I am reminded that Ashley's lips don't open up to more than the size of a straw when she drinks everything (oh, and she chews anything she drinks...funny habit of her's...lol). So Ashley's sips are not as near focused as my open-throated gulps on getting drunk. The score is 3 to .5, with Josh in the lead and slurred speech on the playbook. "I bet you this hand I will win, and if i win," he says "you need to finish your beer." "You're on" she says with the bottle in hand. The hand finishes, and I come out on top with three J's to her two pair. But she slowwwwwwwly drinks her beer and doesn't even finish. Time to call in the S.W.A.T.G.D. team. because the Stupid White-girl was Attempting To Get Drunk and needed assistance since beer is piss to her, but yet she'll swallow a load of Sean's semen (or so she tells me. Alliteration? I think so!). So I call weedman Billy that I work with and ask him to help me out with some liquor, apparently that is the only thing that will work on this lightweight who is already starting to increase her communicative skills to exceed that of her normal never-say-die, never-shut-up, never-give-up personality (which is highly admirable by the way!). So we are invited to 312 to listen to the band and liquor-it up! Billy pours vodka and fruit punch, with a nice percentage in it to get her lips buzzing. But I am no where near satisfied since I remain 2.5 beers in front still. I wanted to lose this battle, and I was determined to do so.
So drinky drinky she did, slowly tho. I get her to take a shot of tequila with me. Shit, I took one too! But that upped the stakes a bit. Now the numbers flip and the score resides at 2 to 4, her ad. Time to play dirty. We were offered a shot of 153 proof Diesel, as strong as it sounds. Ashley didn't want it. Fine then! I'll put more vodka in your drink! "Trust me though," I said to her subconsciously, "I promise you won't regret it!" She continued to drink her drink as I continued to remind her about it so she wouldn't forget it. She noticed the extra kick, but it did not phase the two of us. Especially me who decided, that if she was going to sip like a pidgeon all night, I would strengthen my chances of losing as well as her drink with a shot of 153.
Well, after parading around 312 for a bit and coming on to a completely obliterated fat drunk guy named Mark with the small penis (so he says), Ashley wanted to leave. We said our goodbyes and made way to the apartment without forgetting to homey slap a black guy named Rebel (Irony? I think so!) on the way. We talked to Christy, Em's roomate, a bit and made popcorn for Ashley. I told her it was time to finish the same cup she had for like an hour now and hadn't finished. So we played cards and I got her down to 1/3 of a cup left. Not being able to recall how much I drank in relation to her, let's just say I was at about 5 points and she was about at .033 above the legal limit. One can guess where that left her...like 3 sheets to the wind and a towel on her back wanting to act like the fierce Batman we saw earlier in the theater.
I couldn't believe my objective was complete!
Pardon my listing, but she was on the floor looking for a cat that didn't exist, she smoked a cigarette for the first time, said she would smoke pot with me for the first time, ate ice cream to satisfy her drunk munchies, forgot my girlfriend's name or who she was (even though she talked to her on the phone and I told her who she was), referred to Christy as the girl "down there" while pointing of course, let 'er rip a couple of times and asked me to score it on a scale of 1 to 5 (though I was on the 1 to 10 scale...hey, I didn't say I wasn't a couple of sheets to the wind), sang every fricken song she could think of, redid the Dr. Pepper (TM) commercial for me on video, straddled a car and insisted I let her use KY jelly to lube it up, was infatuated with her boobs (as she tried to flash me at least twice from the third floor and talked about them being her entry into Sean's room), kept insisting that it was "hot in here" even though we turned the air down to "15" according to her and we were outside when she said it, could NOT walk a line to save herself and said that it was ok not to be able to as long as you were in close proximity to it, and finally denied me as her friend and considered Emily better looking than me in a picture of the two of us.
You would have had to been there to experience the type of fun that I had that night. I am so glad that Ashley finally feels comfortable around me and can only hope that this solidifies our friendship as the great keepsake that it is. It does not matter what people say about being friends after a breakup. I believe that a true friendship is special and its backbone will never falter...you just sometimes have to go back to the blueprints and build it from the great structure that it came from. Sure there may be a couple of shortcomings, but ultimately that friend will always be there for you to make you smile irregardless of time, location, and circumstance. And it doesn't matter if you cannot see each other for a day or a month. When the two of you get together, its just like you left off from yesterday and can have the best of memories no matter what.
My feel incredible right now. I have an awesome friend who can always make me smile and I am in love with a beautiful woman who makes me happy in the most undescribable ways. What else is there to life?
Thanks for being my friend...I owe you one and a million!

To the fullest

I have always been one to love life to its fullest. No questions asked, life can be taken into ones arms, held on to for years, and made the best of with the right attitude or personality, if you will. I never thought that I would be doing the things I am doing in life right now, but I do not regret them...things that can enhance the most fun of times, make you closer to one another, and even take those without personality and develop one for them. I drink, needless to say, and I like it. Well, by liking it I mean that the effect of it is enjoyable, not the taste of it. I will never really be one to find the taste of any alcohol as a flavorful beverage. I hear it is an acquired taste, but I believe that it is an acquired experience. It's like when people do drugs...they do it to feel a certain way and just accept the prerequisites and repercussions to such a thing. Not that I am putting alcohol up there with morphine addiction or heroin, but similar concept. Anywho, I like to drink because of a couple of reasons. One is that I could never become addicted, and don't really comprehend how a wide load of college kids and drunkies can drink every day or night, do it heavily, and want to feel shitty the next morning. I think it takes a great deal of thought to understand why we as humans do certain things that are out of the ordinary, such as taking in substances to achieve desired effects. Once you understand that, you can realize that you don't have to get extremely "wasted" all the time to feel good. You learn that drinking is a social activity, such as smoking cigarettes, eating at a nice restaraunt, going to an amusement park. You really don't do things like that without at least someone else...and if you do, then you haven't tasted the good flavors that life has to offer and felt the buzz from taking life in wholly. Shit, you can drink a couple of beers, know where you are in the "feel good" spectrum and tell yourself that it will last for a couple of hours and that if you get any drunker, you will have to call off to work, maybe lose your job, feel like shit all morning and maybe puke to come back to reality. So from this, another reason is that I can have fun with it, be responsible, and not endanger myself or anyone. It really comes to the responsibility aspect of the discussion to prove that doing things that change your perspectives, alter your moods, and slant your reality requires a great GREAT deal of responsibility, and if you dont have it, DON'T DO IT. It's ok if you can't control yourself on things like that. But don't risk your life's goals, dreams, and sanity to prove that. I've seen many people drop out of college because they let it consume them. It also relates to a dependency issue for some because they have nothing else in their life to be happy for. And with that I retreat back to my previous statement that I have harped on in numerous entries, that life should be exalted rather than neglected, find something in your life that makes you truly and AUTHENTICALLY happy and nothing else will be able to break through to you and take over. You are the keeper of your own hapiness and destiny. You can be lonely and still be happy. You can drink and not have to risk your hapiness. You can do whatever you please, as long as you find hapiness in your life. But be responsible, and proliferate your hapiness for as long as possible, because life is too short, enjoy it while it lasts, for tomorrow may not be. "Live for today as if it were your last, dream for tomorrow as if it will be your next"