Wake up call. Call me Lucky

I'm an Idiot. Ok, I'm not an idiot persay. I just realize things later than most. I guess that I live in an Ideal world where everyone does everything I want. Maybe it was my mom's genes that made me so stubborn. I mean, I know I am worth it and all, but I am no better than the next person. Hence the reason why I finally figured out that I have been putting aside my relationship rather than simply not allowing it to penetrate my long term goals. Funny how the human being works. I think that's where proverbial statements like "Better late than never" or "You always want what you can't have" come from: from the inadequacy of the human mind to rationalize that you truly do always want what you cannot have in order for you to take action to get it before its gone. It is just at what levels the individual is determined to attaining that which "you cannot have." I believe you can have whatever you want in this life, no doubt. It just takes a little patience, timing, strategy and never-let-die determination. Plus, if you put in the hard work early on towards the prize, then it typically holds for a longer shelf life (if your lucky).

Call me Lucky.

I know I love her. There is no doubt in my mind. It doesn't matter what fleeting carnal thoughts of being with other women tend to be tossed across the playing field in my mind, I always come back to her. I've already experienced being with another woman before besides her, and it just wasn't the same. So maybe we've already attached ourselves to each other, pending that she is content with the life we lead these days. It gets better every day, and that's what keeps her going, because we have a purpose and a destiny in our business career.

But one of the things I realized recently is that I need her to be sane. I mean, I don't know that I NEED her, but I know that if I were put in a day without her or the thought of her, I wouldn't be me. So I believe that it would constitute as a need. I could be without her, but I refuse to be simply because it doesn't make sense to my logical mind and my emotional heart. But the dilemma arises: I forget some of the things that we both connect on.

Call it a change of lifestyle or perspective since I personally have matured and grown towards a different life, but this living together and not being married thing seems to pay its toll. Maybe that's why the Bible (and all its standards of living) says that it is living in sin that way...because if there is no commitment to one another or to a marriage, then it is easy to think you could stray. I have yet to have read that passage, but it wouldn't matter too much anyways because Emily doesn't believe in any of it and would think that I was strange for wanting to move out...or even to get married. So the crossroads come again; find a way to live together happy or find another way.

I need stability in my life these days. Being that I am sanguine and have trouble organizing, I see that some sort of stability to point to would be better than none. So I am going to focus on stabilizing my work habits and my relationship. These two are for specific reasons. Work habits held consistent lead to a healthy career. And thank God this career is better than the other options out there corporate-wise. *Side note* Its the small amounts of income at first that deter people from believing it to be a worthwhile career. But people don't have enough faith in themselves and other people, thus they miss out on this chance to have lifestyle *End side note*. A relationship is another human life to confide in and to see as the source of all things with strength and immediate happiness. Long term happiness can be had from such a repetition of ONLY this type of short term gratification, because the feeling will grow enough to sustain itself over time (even in death, I believe, if the love is real and the eventual track to the story is understood; that love is created to outlast this lifetime). So a relationship leads to a healthy life simply because, for me at least, the purpose of life is to sustain and create life for as long as possible. How do we create life, besides the obvious? By speaking it into existence and spreading joy to all the world; it becomes the shield behind unexpected death, if you will. One person is just as important as the other, as I said before, simply because we all have the same power to breed life or death.

Wow, so definitely a tangent there. But point being, is that everyone deserves to be loved every single day. And the backbone of any relationship is conversation and communication. If you truly love someone, you will give them your all each and every day, because you never know what lies in tomorrow. Hence, know who you are and whose you are each day, and never falter in your beliefs. I've been giving our future my all, and not our present. I finally figured out that I can give her everything without giving her everything right now. All she or anyone needs is love and faithful understanding, and the rest will follow. I believe, through this life I've chosen, that we are meant to have all the wealth of memories and worldly goods beit as our future allows. So already, we will have an amazing life. But the only thing I can control is if that exists today and for the second alone.

Therefore, love needs constant reminders for the beginnings of its journey as it will continue to sustain life; until the next wave settles and yet another swell will continue its movement forward. I have to let her know how important she is in her own language which is Quality Time at least once per sight daily, but once per week in a date setting. That's how she talks, and I wasn't listening. I was speaking Japanese, at least I think so. :) Haha, I love being creative and witty. But back to the show. I have to treat her like she's my biggest business, since I've invested the most time into her over the years. Once a week minimum is quite deserving, if you ask me. I'm hoping the consistent-and-persistent, repetition-being-the-mother-of-all-skill theories will push me to become more organized in this sense and then be able to fit more time in to please her. I mean, after all, she does make me the happiest...now I just have to remind myself why and strengthen those connections to dilute the foul ones that no longer exist (in getting intoxicated with substances as we once did growing up). Thats why I'm excited about this business and the pleasures of life it will bring, simply because of the constant memories and fun it will bring for my girl. Its what she deserves and what she wants, so therefore she needs it.

Be the person you want to attract to you, and you will find that the strong example you set forth will magnetize at a higher rate than the old habits of the person you used to be. Power of association and being the example is key. Become so fun to be around that everyone will want to be next to you. These are things that I once heard and have finally risen to the surface. I love being taught good lessons in life.