Blinded by weakness

You know when you realize something that is earth-shattering, so much that it hits you like a ton of bricks? And when you haven't cried for years, and still have yet to, it just weighs down on your soul as if you tied an anchor to it. I cannot wait to pick up this book called Wild At Heart. I'm sick and tired of being the boy and nice guy that I am. I just want to grow up already and be a man instead of this wuss that cannot think straight to save his life. Talk about doublemindedness...its almost as if the comfort level of being in that state has left me complacent to both sides of the token and now I've just settled for average. I know what I want, and I know how to get it. So why do I stop at everything on my road towards it? I thought I would have taken a better path towards self-discipline and growing myself. But apparently I took an easier route that felt better rather than treading over the jagged rocks that we must travel to get to the promised land.
Its easier just to not grow up and avoid facing the music, but eventually the band is going to catch up to you and blast out your ear drums. I've come to realize that if I don't grow up, then there is the likelihood that my family and those who look up to me (however many or few, I do not know, but I know of one special to me) will suffer greatly. So I wear this role with pride and will struggle so that others do not have to, but I will be strong enough to not weaken anyone by taking all the burden. My hopes in this life are to offer up solutions from my own situations without making the wrong decisions. But when you are all about serving other people and a higher purpose, you cannot ever make wrong decisions when looking to benefit others.
It's time to live up to the definition of a man and lead my family-to-be. Lead by example, right?