I often wonder what love really is, what it entails, what sparks its interests, and so on. Love is a taboo topic which the heart fails to truly excavate and pick apart to discover what its detailed definition. But being the fact that it is a taboo subject sitting aimlessly and unconsciously in peoples minds, it is without definition amongst society, not being a socially accepted norm while many aspects of our psychology are and will remain. my friend Allen and I spoke heavily upon the topic due to the fact that him and his girlfriend were starting to feel the tension of a 2 year holding pattern on their lives that they like to call a "relationship." What they failed to realize is that they are young and a relationship can be various types of connections that you have with another person. These are based on the emotional, the social, the growth and mainly the sexual needs that we have. We often initiate a relationship based on first feelings of comfort and conversation which lead us to wonder what more can come of this person. Then we fall in love, which seems to be a higher standard of the previous, being extreme joy and flirtation. What comes of this afterwards entails too many details to be specific, because they are based on dependencies that each and every person has in their stages of life. Being young allows it to be of a fluid nature, coming and going as we please because we have not yet picked up our societal roles from the offices of the National Societal Control Oranization That Will Deem What Is Necessary For You To Live Like An American. But some like my friend feel emotional pressure from his "other half" fearing for her well being. If we are not independent humans, we cannot exist in society and function correctly. When it is time to tie the knot, it will happen.
Do not fear the inevitable, because the inevitable does not fear you: it will take charge and cause things to happen against your will if you do not act on them. Being young should be an advantage. If your life is centered around being married to one person and you are still in college pursuing a goal or somewhere else attaining your dreams, let not the thought of marriage hold you back.
Here is my theory in conjunction with Allen's view. Marriage should only occur when that feeling of love exceeds all other truths and hapiness in life. We believe that the choice to marry a loved one is merely a choice, something you choose out of comfort and readiness. Think of marriage from three different perspectives:
1. True love has found a definition at the age of 19 and for another 6 years you are able to make a life-long friend/partner and hardly ever find true discontent. If you ever aren't happy, the two of you can talk it out and build upon it to create an even stronger relationship. But this can only prosper through the test of time. Don't tell yourself that you know he is the one you can be with forever until you have at least lived a fraction of that, especially so young in life.
2. You have graduated college, and you meet a wonderful person that seems to make your body tingle and lassoes your heart from afar. You get to know them for a year, and you know that you want to marry. So you make the choice to marry him/her and you are on your way to starting a family. Perfect Timing!! As long as you are never sad and at least in a state of content, then the choice is a good one, and a never-ending love develops based on experience and time.
3. You get pregnant or get someone pregnant and now society steps in and tells you your responsibilities based on your irrational decisions/accidental happenings. So you either live your life separate from responsibility or you decide to marry that person because you know that having a child is a life and a profession all in itself, and every child deserves a family to grow up with. Your choice has developed a marriage by itself. Not that this happens alot, but I have seen some who fall in love with the idea of marriage, happened to have a child on the way, and got married, and I thus conclude that love can be given in such a situation when paralleled with other ideas that are idealized (children and having someone you can depend on)
---Mainly, the idea here is choice. Everyone can make a choice to get married whenever they want, with whomever they want, after how long they want, and through however much pain or discontent they want; whatever is good and necessary in conjunction with what they are willing to deal with. If you want a stud or a supermodel and are in love with that idea, be prepared to deal with whatever personality they may bring because you are in love with something more than what they are or could ever be (which is conceited in a way because good looks only resemble society's distinctions of what is good and what is bad, and what is better and the best, and what matters more when it doesn't really matter). We are all unique and have specific needs and tolerances coined to our person.
If there is even the slightest hint of depression, from one tear to another, then you are really holding yourself back from doing what makes you happy and stunting your potentials in life. But if you think you are in love, take your time (unless there is no time, which is usually dependent on health reasons and mental/emotional stabilities), feel out the grounds a bit, try commiting but not being married and see how you feel. Does that person really make you believe that true love exists? Does that person promote your personal growth and make you want to be around them always, even when they are in their worst moments? And what is love to you in relation to the one you love?
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Which leads me to my perception of what love is, if there exists such a thing...
1.
Love is a word, not a feeling. It only describes something you uniquely feel and tries to place it under a universal term that really has no clue as to what level each and every person has achieved emotionally with another human soul. The word is only a reminder of what you feel for the person, and that proves itself when some say it (or lack thereof) and realize that they are no longer happy with that person. No need to overuse it, because it is either just there or not at all.
A Glance of the heart through another person's eyes is more convincing to define what we feel for our loved ones. You can always see through another person via the eyes, as the windows into the soul.
2.
Love is an action, what you are willing to do (or not to do) for another individual. I have realized that my love for another is obvious when the whole world is shut out and gets less or no attention at all, and only one person supercedes all things to you.
He/she becomes the reason you wake up and sleep easy, only to spend another day with them. They are the influences in all your decisions, mannerisms and perspectives, adapting to a different way of life. You can't elaborate much on this one because it comes down to how devoted, how willing, how confident and how trusting
you are to know that whatever you do will come back ten-fold to you from your lover. It ultimately makes you naturally happy to see them ecstatic, so your whole life you spend giving and never focusing on receiving cause you have already obtained what you were looking for. This is the only thing in life that become innate and of the unconscious nature of our being (The other three are feeding, fighting and fornicating which come with birth), because it is just second nature to love once it reaches a certain level.
3
. Love is a religion, a faith that we depend on to bring us to euphoria in our minds and hearts. Just like church, you have certain routines that guide your day accordingly. You must commit a great deal of time to it to prove your faith. Never are you afraid to spread the word about what you believe in.
You would be willing to die for it. You can be a radical or a moderate of your religion, making it your own. Even if you forget to go to church, that person knows that your heart is always calling out to them, yearning to learn more and not always needing the physical to achieve the spiritual.
4.
There is no wrong in love, nor is there a right and a wrong. If there is a wrong in love, it is talked over, fixed and becomes a strength, making love that much more of a right. And noone in love should ever want to be right over the other, making them feel in the wrong. Those words shouldn't even be used because they do not exist.
Right and wrong are also socially accepted concepts that we use to rationalize our pride in our relationship. When something is wrong, both of you are wrong and you feel it. You ease its tension slowly and it alters itself into another strength to place at the basis of the pyramid to hold the structure of your relationship. And when you truly love someone, you admit to your faults. You realize your weaknesses with the other and you focus on diverting those later when it comes to a uneasy subject or time. Always know when your wrong because if you don't, you are surviving off of your pride and the notion that you are better than that person...which leads me to....
5.
Love is hardly selfish, mainly aimed towards being selfless. Selflessness rarely exists (though I wish it did) because no matter what we do or say, we are looking for a reaction or some sort of compensation from are so-called selfless actions. The only selfless act in life is death for another person, hence the innate nature of our being which is unconsciously providing for our loved ones so that their life is whole. But although selflessness is nonexistent, it is meant to be a goal that we as humans should strive for in love. I say this because humans have the capability and the paranoia that allows them to detect selfish behavior (whether falsely accused or not) and some may take it more to heart than others when dealing in matters of "true love" . And nothing should possess another to think about themselves all the time when the other provides such an intense feeling of completion. And matter of fact,
one selfish act leads to another, creating a viscious cycle that many cannot exit. So if your love is honestly true at such a grand level, you attain your true hapiness from the one you love and not from your own selfish needs (Though some can survive inhumanely off of being selfish, it is not involved with what true love is, obviously enough).
6.
Love is an experience, a contribution in personal growth, which needs no advice. Many often resort to outside advice to shape the decisions in their relationship. Everyone has their own opinion, so regardless of what one person says, you will always do the opposite or something similar that will vary from the original advice. So one cannot even base their choices upon that.
You must experience love first-hand in every case, otherwise your perceptions of love are twisted and become a general consensus of what to do in every bad relationship situation (thus god created Cosmo...lol). Word of advice: make your love unique to your own relationship. One way or another, you will learn in time (for true love mainly in a great deal of time, but not through tense dealings)...Ill speak on the unique truth of love in number 8
7.
Love is not based on appearaces which are false and often biased. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, not the eye of society. a. Societal perception of beauty is seen with only one eye, which focuses on breasts and buttox (tits and ass to ditch the modesty), tans, curvatious models and lack of imperfection. You have to wonder what beauty really is to know what it is.
Beauty is our ability to be unique in appearance and in personality as well. When we look for the "hots" in the other gender, we look at what is portrayed as the common ideals of what we see on tv, in magazines, and anything that exalts a skinny, falsely sun-burnt super model as the most powerful and the most vindictive. I have realized in my experience that many women, and men as well, always look for the evil side in an ideal for the opposite gender, being bitchy assertiveness or slick buff leathered-and-lathered dude with a loud 82 Camaro that appeals to the eyes and the senses. So beauty is portrayed as an evil, scantily-clad devil that clouds the mind with falsely-founded principles that beauty is in one vision,
through one eye. You are beautiful, no matter what they say, and don't let words bring you down (thanks Christina)! It's time to poke the evil eye and blind it from deception! (I just saw this ad at the top of the screen that said you could win a prize for poking the evil eye, and it lets you try and poke a dismembered, creeping evil eye...good parallel huh?)
b. Be free, be spunky, scream if you want to (as long as it isn't the word bomb). Exercise your right to civil liberty, and don't think about what you look like to everyone else. No one cares about you unless they show some sort of positive interest in your living, otherwise they are just trying to conform you to their ways or the ways that their parents taught them. Be who you are! If you are the quiet type, don't talk to anyone! If you are the open type, be the extravert you were made to be and cartwheel in front of a crowd of tensely schooled collegiates at your college.
People will perceive you in whatever way they choose to...its inevitable...you can't be modest enough for people to not critique you unless you don't exist or you have the invisible cloak I have been looking for since I was 4 years old when I shit my pants! Its the same way people laugh at fat people in their heads. But why laugh? Why criticize? No one else cares about you but those you care about, and sometimes not even then. But who cares? This sort of careless attitude is essential to survival because it builds a great deal of confidence for one to be able to focus on what is really important in their lives. Hence there is no interference between you and the love you feel. Worrying about something so insignificant as another person's view of you is entirely unfounded but by your own paranoia, thinking that the world cares for your emotions. If you are outlawed by society's standards then really what choice do you have but to take what love you have and hold it so closely to your heart as to never let it go...because the one that you cherish in turn cherishes you and has created his/her ideal of beauty in you. Nothing can defeat that unique beauty.
8.
Love is what you make it, as a human you created the idea of love and made it unique to you by giving it a meaning. Why do you think they call it "Making love?" (Thanks Eugene Levinstein). You have to make an effort to give meaning to the notion of love, to make it a whole feeling in both of your hearts, not having the other part of you in another's body. I've never agreed with the fact that a person can be your "other half" unless you are married and referring to the constructs of a marriage being husband as one half and wife as another. Otherwise,
there are two people in with two full hearts giving it their all, giving all of themselves to another person so that they have more than just two halves to survive off of. And plus, two in love should be independent enough to carry their hearts separately and live their life the way society has chosen. Hence, time apart is quite healthy (not a break when a relationship has gone astray). Time with friends every so often is good because
A. it allows you to remember just how much you can miss one person when you are away from them and
B. you won't get tired of the other person so easily. You should not believe that you will be together forever with someone and not do everything in your power to make it happen for the both of you. It takes two to tango, otherwise your in the middle of a ballroom floor doing the cabbage patch and noone will dance along side you until you get back into step with whatever partner is willing to participate, making you happy in the process. Make your own definition for love, what works for the two of you, and go with it if it makes you happy. But confide in the other for hapiness and attain it, otherwise you need to discover someone else who can do it.
9.
True love is true because you believe it to be. There are few truths in life that are self-evident. The other truth in life you create, because truth is very uncertain unless it becomes a belief that you hold near and dear to your heart. Hence,
your love is the most powerful truth that can exist in the corrupt human world. I mean, look at it. It can provide so many things and take so many others away. It is merely the way you choose to make your love work for you that matters the most. This has much to do with some of the previous points, being that it is a belief, no one can tell you different, everyone will judge you and there is nothing you can do but ignore it, etc. It is a philosophical idea that allows you to create your own world of truth. Really, what is choice and our inalienable human right without the ability to create our own worlds of truth and have another human soul co-exist within the boundaries of it's beautiful creation? Being unique and creative is a beautiful thing and can behold other beauties outside the limits of normal society. We have that right to create whatever we want, so find your love, make your love true, and commit to it as a truth. As a truth, it becomes a reason, a meaning, a rationale, an excuse, a life's aspiration, an achievement, a valid argument, a way of life. It becomes anything you want it to be due to the fact that you make it that way. It is your belief, isn't it? So believe it already!
These are my ideas (so far in my life filled with constant learning and yearning for knowledge) of what love is. We all have our own unique genres of love that we choose for our own self and another who longs to be apart of you. Choose yours and follow through with it, but make sure it is the right time for you...well, either way, you will find out for yourself. I cannot tell anyone how to love, how to follow through with it, what it is exactly! I just don't have that authority or that proof...but I do have love and always will one way or another...its my choice. Love is all that matters to me, because life is nothing without it. Life would be filled with robots who work, sleep, eat and do not feel or express themselves as the unique person they are, being different from every other person in the world. This is just what I think about it and just hope that someone else might agree with me and confirm this,
what I hold in my heart as the only certain truth..."What if there is no such thing as a right love, only love at the right time?" ---Krystal
