My head hurts, my heart hurts...Im just busted all over

Against my better will, my bitter neglectance of those who love me most, I went to the party. It was fun, and I wish she would have came. But her "worst enemy" had been there too! But I was more concerned with meeting new friends, hanging out with the guys, and so on. I had fun, but I knew I had made a promise. I told her I would be there in an hour, but she didn't see that I was excited to hang out with the guys (not expecting her to get out of work until 830). I thought it would be cool to hang out, have her call me after work, and then just head over to Jon's for a change of scenery. Ideals never play out.

So I tried to leave twice, but everyone kept asking me to stay. I felt wanted, unlike this morning. But I stayed just a bit more until they left to get a keg, and I so slyly sneaked out. I'm no 007, so they spotted me and ran after me to convince me further. Their stance and reasoning was that they had taken my wallet and I couldn't have it back unless I came with them. So I stupidly jumped on the side of the window trying to get it back. And of all people, Grisel sped off without thinking that I could have been hurt. And then she realized that, but a little too late. Its ok, we all make mistakes. This, on the other hand was just a bloody one, and may even cost me a bunch more than that simple $75 Copay, as Ashley so informs me.

Not that I value my wallet over my life (no pun intended), but I have just been working hard to try and catch up with all of my bills for a change and get back to even so I can start saving for my extravagant dreams to become a reality, to make hers come true. I shouldn't think about it too much. I'll let fate decide. But please, Fate, please let me have another chance. I get it, and I have learned my lesson. It's just bad enough that my head is split open, my back/neck sore and scraped...my heart is bleeding fiery tears of anger and confusion. I don't know why this had to happen, and it ails me so. I am so stupid for even trusting the notion that drunk people know what they are doing sometimes.

19 staples and a headache later, I'm alive but swimming through a heavy fog. Why do I feel so horrible on the inside and the outside not as much? Why can't someone just help me, hold me, comfort me? It's quite possible I hit a sensitive part of my head and I just feel like crap for no good reason, but thats hard to believe. If I can come to after a hit like that, then I can overcome anything. I am right here, standing up with wounds to prove my battle is being fought, and I am at the front lines. But leader or mere soldier, we all come back to those we love for support; hoping that they are always thinking about us, trusting that we are theirs through it all. Thats the most common cure for all damage. That heals all wounds, and staples all that is broken back together. Bring me to 23, and that will only require 4 more to completely mend the pieces that once fit. I can take it, no local anestesia required. The pain is bearable if love prevails beyond all circumstances...if it does?

A Random Quote

Love or Infatuation?

Infatuation is instant desire. It is one set of glands calling out to another. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows - one day at a time.

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream.

Love is a quiet understanding and the mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you - to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his presence, even when he is away. Miles do not separate you. You want him nearer. But near or far, you know he is yours and you can wait.

Infatuation says, "We must get married right away. I can't risk losing him." Love says, "Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence."

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. If you are honest, you will admit it is difficult to be in one another's company unless you are sure it will end in intimacy. Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation lacks confidence. When he's away, you wonder if he's cheating. Sometimes you check.

Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. He feels that trust and it makes him even more trustworthy.

Infatuation might lead you to do things you'll regret later, but love never will.

Love is an upper. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before.

-Ann Landers-