Manhood

Ever since reading that book Wild at Heart, it has really opened my eyes to a lot of understanding about how emotions and people work in certain, if not all, situations. I have always been the people-watcher type, observing the masses and how they react to each obstacle or trial that comes their way. It is a quality that few adopt and use. I admire my beautiful girl Jacky and my friend Tom for that, because they are some of the few that apply it and learn from it like I do. Whether it be as simple as missing the right toll lane (no Epass), forgetting ones wallet in the car or even a short verbal disagreement, I have always paid attention to how our emotions are triggered by life's many happenings. But nothing like this book has really brought me to a different level of understanding.

They say that once you make a mental click, or reach a new stage of life, that you can reread or relisten or even rewatch something and you understand it at a different level. And if you are open to accepting what you find, then you will be able to apply it to your own mannerisms and adjust as necessary. Hence, I believe, the process of bettering oneself. But sometimes you have to make that mental decision that you are ready to change or move on in order to get to that next step. I think that most never get to that point though. There could be many reasons and, being that I am not as wise as I would like to be, I can only theorize on it. So here I postulate.

I believe that if you do not ever take the time to discover yourself and conquer your fears, then you will never progress in life. This is the number one reason why most people get stuck in a rut: fear. That fear is built in from many different points in life and plentiful sources. But it originates from birth until today where some might even be sitting in front of this computer screen or this book (which it will someday be) and can't help but imagine that someone might bust through the door and kill you. Crazy how most will allow that feeling to overtake them, build up anxiety in them to the point of true uncomfort, and never want to understand why that is? You know, it is trial and error paired with the lack of inhibition to fail a few times that will help overcome fear. But somewhere, somehow and someway we are taught that you want to avoid pain and danger at all times. There are grades of danger that you just don't want to touch (like jumping off of a 50 foot building thinking that you won't die) but sometimes you have to get a bruise or a broken leg to know better than to do so. However, some adventures are worth the scratches and the poison ivy rashes; the heartaches and the heartbreaks, the laughter and the euphoric emotion, the exhiliration of being on the verge of almost certain failure but cheating it by just an inch of faith and truth.

How did I get on all of this? Today, I woke up to the sound of her voice. The only thing better than that is waking up to find her beautiful eyes lost in mine and her lips prepared and plump-n-ready for a smooch. I was supposed to go to Gainesville today, but people flake like they always do and I could have used the sleep I did get. Plus, my friend Mike W. who is always understanding, was in the same boat. He would have been the only one that would have showed and for that reason him and I will make millions together in the near future. You couldn't tell me otherwise.

So I woke up to my family all together in the living room cleaning up and chatting. I haven't done that in forever it seems so I partook in the enjoyment of it all. Talking to my mom, a morning hug from my amazing brother Ian, hanging out and being fed by my pops. It was nice; a preview of how life is going to be (and how one deserves to live) with the ones that you love when you have a plan for your life. To repay my dad, we went outside in the back to cut down a tree. My dad and I used to do man-work all the time when I was a kid. Although our relationship was never a talking relationship persay, it was always centered around being responsible, having fun always, and hard work: values that to this day I will take with me and give to MY family. My confidence came from elsewhere later on in life.

We mapped out the plan: push the lightning-deadened tree trunk inbetween two helpless plants so as not to kill them, tear apart the log into multiple pieces with a chainsaw and the job was done. It seemed to be quite a lengthy task, but ended up being quite menial. 25 minutes later we were through. But it was amazing to think that even in that time, that two men who had a task to get done put their heads together, worked as a team, and got the job done a lot quicker than one man by himself. And so I found purpose and understanding in that 25 minutes. Not only was it bonding, but it was about being a part of something, and meeting at Man's Point to take on a challenge. No excuses, no complaining. Just hard work that needs to get done. And someone had to take a stand to do it.

Now I don't always make an epic journey out of cutting a tree down into small pieces. LOL. But it was the fact that I had taken all of my personal growth up until now and I actually resented my father less than I have ever. And why is that? It's because I understand him better than I have ever. 23 years of observing him and I finally know what the man is all about. He is a man's man. There are issues and fears still, I know, but who doesn't have those? Its just a matter of how many have actually faced them. My father is an amazing man. He has so much passion that you couldn't cut through it with even the sharpest blades on a chainsaw. And he, as the man he has always been, was not afraid to pass that down to his son, Joshua Anthony Nangle. He has given me the best pieces of him (along with my mother who has given me so much) and has set me out into the world to find my own; to live out my journey, to take on an adventure, to fight a battle that most men lose, and to wage war for the beauty that will one day be my strength, courage and symbol of love.

Wild at Heart will bring truth into your life, and I only know that now I will do the same for millions of others, just like the author of this book.