Speak the Soul

I figured out the most important thing in my life today...well, almost the most important because the most important thing will come a few years later with love. I know why I cannot decide what I want to do with my life right now. It is because I am in the first phase of what I am doing with my life right now with you. Just hear me out on this because I don't want you to misconceive anything I might say as something that makes me entirely dependent on you in my life, even though you mean soo much to me. I am lost in my life without love. Love is everything that I am, everything that I am dependent on, everything that I will ever care about...not being late to work, not letting down my friends for you, nothing of that nature. I truly can only wonder what my life would be without love and that would be nothing. I am a firm believer that love is what makes us human, gives us purpose, makes everyone's world have meaning and make sense, and gives us life. It could be lack of love that can sometimes drive us to certain human functions such as depression, or independence, or being power-hungry...those are misplaced desires for love. But the meaning of life is Love...capitalized because of its importance and influence in everything. So I realized this because I woke up in the middle of the night and all I wanted was you, even though you were in my arms. Ok, I am just gonna say it...I wanted soo bad to jump on top of you, caress every inch of your warm, beautiful body, kiss you until forever and make love to you soo badly. And I thought and thought about it more because I thought how crazy it was to always want to have sex with you like I do. I mean seriously, all I can ever think about is being inside of you, feeling the depths of your heart and longing to be that close to you as if we were one body. It's like I cannot ever get close enough to you unless I fall deep into a lip-locking, tongue-tasting, lower -body love lock with you. When our eyes connect in this moment, after it, before it, I feel like nothing else matters, nothing else exists. All I want is love, true love existing beyond every rational idea of the societal world we live in with rules to govern all emotions and actions. FUCK THAT! Even though I abide by this method of existence, I do not agree. It's as if we have our own little universe set aside in our love making capacity that allows us to step across all of the boundaries of science, philosophy, mathematical logic, and technological advancement. I think love, like true love, brings you past all of this theory and puts you above all others...and I think that then and only then can I clear my head from all of this clutter of what we are supposed to be when we grow up, our career, the worldly items (such as fast cars, fancy jewelry, sexy appearance {which is bullshit because beauty truly exists in the eye of the beholder who is allowed to investigate one's own unique beauty, which makes you a star in my book}), and pretty much every thought that we are expected to know as society deems necessary.
So here's the point. I need love in my life so that everything else after that comes easy. I think that with that gift, one can do amazing things. So a career and in depth studying should come nice and easy after that...and I fear that it will come too late for me to choose the right path professionally speaking. So I'm gonna lay it down...this desire I have for you is far more than I could have ever imagined, and is far from physical. It is based on the sole necessity for belonging, affection, attention, trust, faith, passion, romance, direction, and complacency (which means self satisfaction, or being extremely content with where your life is going, pretty much in this context). I really love you, am in love with you, and I want for you to always know that you make me feel and think the most rational yet irrational emotions that could exist in a human heart. You give me a feeling that I believe no other can, and I hope that some day we can prove that to each other, because I think my life will come soo much easier with you in it. And I agree that we are strong people and can easily live without each other. So love is a choice based on a level of hapiness and connectivity. I hope by possibly having you as my choice that my life begins to make sense, and know that I cannot, I repeat, I CANNOT stop wanting to give love to everyone, but the love that I give you and want to make with you will always mean soo much more because it is soo heartfelt, genuine, and special as is the way you make me feel. I can reserve myself as I do now and not want to have sex all the time, because we both know it isnt important when it comes to time constraints, but by all means do not let the rest of this world be more important than our love. I told Ashley today that I would rather be late to work and have been able to kiss you or place my lips upon your precious body for 15 minutes than not had the chance to love you that much more at all, because my love for you is always first in my heart. Tomorrow may not exist when it comes, so I live and love for today and dream about tomorrow. Therefore, the real point is that love will always be my life, but will you be the love of my life? But even if you won't be, then I have discovered an amazing part of myself that I could not have done without your love, and I thank you and adore you, and will for the rest of my life, no matter what will become of us. I guess I can really only say it plainly, because my brain will not allow my lips to speak my heart and soul; I love you.
Oh, just a thought I forgot...haha I rhymed!
I hope the world for our unique and special relationship, in whatever sense that may be. I hope it to be a beautiful thing that we will never forget!