Goodbye

This past weekend has been almost as horrible as I think anything can be for me in this perfect lifestyle I lead. Had it not been for Emily's sweet smile just a kiss away, I probably would have cracked. First off, after going out with Ashley and friends, Ashley says some stupid ass comment that makes it seem like she has it made with her bf or whatever she considers him and that he has me beat or something. Beat on what? Fucking? Wow, good for you...go around telling that to people and see how they react...they might consider you classy or something..right? WRONG! Especially when I am soo nice to her, I choose to get along with him and by her wishes pretend like he didn't just recently hurt her feelings, she pulls out that shit and acts way more cocky than he could ever be, like she thinks she has something even relative to what I have. Maybe in a couple of months you can say something like that, but never brag about sex to someone who a.) doesn't really give a shit or care to hear it and b.) someone you open up to as a best friend, or so you say, and tell all of your hurt and hapiness to.
So to top that off, and the fact that I get hardly any sleep at all (which is definitely not an issue or problem when the reason for it is known, enjoyed and accepted), my grandfather died on saturday night at 8:30 pm while I was at work. My mom called me on my cell to tell me, but i couldnt pick up because it was 1030 and i was still at work, so she called, told Emily who was at the front podium, and she told me. So that, along with Em being sick, ruined my mood for the night.
Then, after all of that, I had a paper to due on Sunday night. I had to wake up that morning at 700 to go to church with my grandmother. Big thing: Church used to be interesting to me and actually satisfying, because they would talk about the good nature of people and how love is the key to life. I believed that and still do wholeheartedly: love is what makes the world go round and moves mine. But it just doesn't appeal to me anymore, because now every heartfelt message is incorporated into giving money to someone, to the church specifically. And when an actual decent charity asks for money, our church profits from it some how. Does anyone see the irony in this? Maybe it is only Catholics, but aren't they supposed to be the strictest of Christianity...i dont get it nor do I care because its all elementary bull crap to me now. They exist at a lower level than I and all of my loved ones who I actually care about and give to rather than ask of. The only thing that will keep me going if I decide to sacrifice my sleep every sunday morning, or once every month, is for my Grandmother and that love that I believe in for my family. Sad to say, but she depends on me more than I can handle but enough for me to feel loved. I hate being so caring sometimes! It is a downfall that I will always suffer from, and I'm glad that I have someone who is just like me in that respect...poor Em and I, bound to kindness...lol. After that whole ordeal, I went to see Emily before work. I tried to go to the library after Emily left for work at 1030, but i fell asleep until 1...so i was late for dinner and still lacking an interesting topic. But I got my topic and books at the UCF library and then after screwing around and eating until 430, i got started. I gave in at about 630 wanting to see my love kitten, so I bought us desert for later at Jeremiahs and hauled over to the place. Then we procrastinated until 9 (built up/put off sexual frustration and History paper anxiety do that to you...hehe). I finally finished at 2 and ate an awesome dinner of spaghetti made by Em...that was the shit! Turned my night around. But she still had hers to do, and she let me sleep through it when I told her to let me help her. Stubborn Kitty! I wanted to help soo bad...oh, well, ill make it up.
And those guys from the fricken tow place havent called me back about denting my muffler when they towed my car. Bastards! Ill annoy the shit out of them before they get away with it. So, now im sitting outside of Emily's room, typing this shit, and I have to be at work at 530. I'm dead tired and the two of us are lacking excitement (besides the fun we have giggling and talking all the time). We need a night out or a movie to chill us out, so I am hoping that we can do that tonight and eat the rest of our quart of gelati. If not, then spring break is coming and we are going to Clearwater for almost 5 whole days! Hell yeah, time to catch up on some good fun, loving affection and stray from stress and academic anxiety. Ok, I need to cuddle with my kitty cat, so I'm out.
Oh, and I hope that my grandfather's funeral on wednesday isnt going to be as depressing as I hope it's not. I miss him soo much...it hasn't hit me yet, but i know it will because he was always so loving and sweet to me, claiming me as his favorite (not that it really matters, but knowing that he had that much faith in me kept me sane and on the appropriate track). I'll always remember his smile, his scratchy voice, his funny gloves he always wore...so many great memories from a great man. I love you Pop Pop. I miss you so much!