Believe me!

Why is it that when you love someone, they never believe you? It seems like they always question it and dont just have that blind faith that love gives you. I've loved the same girl for almost 7 years now...not a type of love that leads to marriage and happily ever after, i'm too young for that yet. But a love filled with appreciation, sacrifice, care, and experience. And no matter what I ever did, whether crying, fighting with myself, struggling, devoting all of my time to this one person, she never realized that I cared so deeply about her that all of the bitching, fighting, selfishness and jealousy did not fit into that heartfelt relationship. So I broke it off with her a while ago. But it never really broke off. All it was was a friendship secure in experimenting with emotion and sex. Nothing more, nothing less. Ok, maybe more because I was always there for her. She always felt like I never loved her as much as she did. And that insecurity is what ultimately leads to my unhapiness. She is my best friend and she doesn't understand why I am unhappy. All the confusion she brings asking me about what went wrong, how we can fix it, why I am being mean to her: And for almost a year now I have been telling her what is wrong, what she can do to fix it and that I have to be mean to her because she constantly asks me the same shit over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. It's like a nightmare to look forward to every night when you go to sleep...although I hardly get enough sleep anymore because I stay up every so often to listen to her and talk to her about what is wrong and why we should see other people. She just doesnt get it. I love her, but she cares about only what she wants. She says she wants me to be happy, but I am not. I'm miserable, she doesnt get her way and that makes her miserable. Why do women have to have it their way or the highway? I dont believe in that BULLSHIT. Does their not exist equality? All she should have ever worried about is making me happy and I would have done the same for her...but once she tips that balance more in favor of her wants and desires by wanting more time (which are way too much, more than anything she deserves for all the shit she has put me through) she ruins it for the both of us, and I have to start caring about what makes me happy, otherwise I become the loser, the miserable one. What more can she ask for for god sakes, I spend almost every day with her after school and during holidays when really i should be with my family. I mean, what a selfish bitch to ask for so much when I ask for so little. How unintelligent can you be when the answer is right in front of you yet you can't see it? She has blinded herself from the truth and now thinks that she can talk it out with me. Uh, duh, like, I've been trying that for the past bazillion years. She never wants to get to the root of a problem, always wants to just blow it off. Well, sorry babe, that doesn't work. You only build upon a problem when you leave it be...because you never devise a solution to that problem if it should ever arise again...and then it becomes a tremendous problem. I can't ever do anything without her making me feel bad and moreso like shit if it is with my other friends or when I make new friends. So am I bound to her punishment for eternity without other friends to be happy with? And yeah, on top of that, she is sooo boring...she gets mad at me when I am being my crazy fun outspoken self and when I want to enjoy every godforsaken moment on this hell hole I like to call the present day world. Life is too horrible to be pointing out the bad things in life. Always make the best of what you have...and if you have tried everything possible to do that, just give up on HER. Move on, there are too many good things in life to just be focusing on the negative aspects. And there is always something good to be thankful for in life. I'm glad that life goes on!