Nike philosophy

*A bit of stray, random thoughts as they scroll in my mind (the best way to write, it seems)*
I am never, yet always, alone, or so thats how I feel...

I dont know, i just have so much faith that someone will prove their worth to me so that I wont have to feel alone...like that is their only goal in life, to make me more happier than I could ever make them, so that i could surpass that, and them surpass that and so on until it grows beyond the grandest proportions and then love becomes indefinable.

Should i trust noone but myself?

I read a poem called "The Panther" and it seems to define this struggle of mine, as I walk along the endless borders of the jungle that exist within and on the outskirts of my heart. It reads:

His tired gaze -from passing endless bars-
has turned into a vacant stare which nothing holds.
To him there seem to be a thousand bars,
and out beyond these bars exists no world.
His supple gait, the smoothness of strong strides
that gently turn in ever smaller circles perform a dance of strength,
centered deep within a will, stunned, but untamed, indomitable.
But sometimes the curtains of his eyelids part,
the pupils of his eyes dilate as images of past encounters
enter while through his limbs a tension strains in silence
only to cease to be, to die within his heart.

Pretty much i dont know where i am going, and any thought of where home might be is just left in my heart, the idea slowly ceasing to exist without any support or strength to reform its bonds of reason and epiphany. I'm waiting for something that I have yet to figure out...too afraid to look, or maybe faithful that it will arrive, in time.

True and interesting quote from a movie i guess...

"Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends."

Another quote/dialog which seems to hold true for some women...harsh but true

"There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance. ---Which one am I? ----You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.
I came here because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

When will it start? Has it already begun? Are there any defining aspects that will prove it true? Why can't I see them? Why must I be so pessimistic when I am always the optimistic one? It is because I am afraid? I must be really afraid, I guess? All great things bring fear into the hearts of those who are involved most closely with it, from whatever feature, true? What of my future, mother? What will I grow up to be? Who will love me as much as you do? Is it possible for them to love me that much? Would they sacrifice their life as you would? Where can I find strength to be myself without remorse? And why is it my weakness exists in my inability to be sagacious? Or should I focus much on sagacity rather than that which matters most, hapiness? Because isn't it hard to find true hapiness in this vicious world where humans chew you up and spit you back out? So why ask so many god damned questions and just do it? Who would have thought that Nike had the answer all along? But then again, they did scrap that slogan did they not? Probably because no one knew that the answer was to just live your life to its fullest, sacrifice everything for those who hold your heart, and never regret it because no matter what choice you make, it is a choice and you own that choice, correct? It is worth it to do things that you wouldn't normally do for the people you adore, isn't it? Why put on a facade when you can just give in and give the world to someone? Trust in yourself, I wonder?

Give me strength. It is hard growing up in a world by yourself with ideas of what you want to do with your life, but no motivation. Give me a reason to be yours, the idea that you are my goddess, my muse, my fuel for desire and intention for feeling.
Just do it...I need to keep telling myself that!