Finding Normal again

I seem to be getting more comfortable as time goes on. It's not so hard waking up in the morning, I can go about my day with less burden in my thoughts, and, well, having fun is still easy for me. Though I often wonder what life would be like without her completely. I don't wish for that, not in the least bit. An eyeful of everso exciting Emily always proves the right medicine for an uneventful day.
Though today I kind of wished for more her and I. But I guess I always wish for that. So it wasn't so bad today when I didn't get what I had hoped for as a intimate friendly date between the two of us. I kind of figured she was not in the mood for the likes of my friendly conversation or witty charm. I just hope she isn't bored with me...I feel that way sometimes. Weird, but I feel like I am in the same relationship that I was in about a month ago. Always wanting quality time but finding myself falling short to her becoming lost in her thoughts and worry (poor chipmunk cheeks of hers).
I did get a couple of soft and sweet kisses. Those were nice. I always loved her kisses. They always had an available reassurance that there was something there between us that would always be there, but that she was afraid to admit. I do not want to be too confident in saying this, but I feel like she fears the feelings she has. She slipped and said I love you...I did it too when this thing first started. But I'll always wanna say it. Is this similar on her part? I feel that if we feel it that it could be said, with no feelings hurt. It brings a spark, a flame that ignites in the moment and makes every heartfelt move afterwards that much more intense.
I have a confession...
I secretly long for this passionate moment to excavate itself within the deepest parts of our hearts. That's where it has to come from, somewhere way up in the dark attic of the soul where feelings are often misplaced and stored for future development; hope. Just one night. One passionate night that says it all. I imagine it starting with a love-drunk haze where our eyes meet and we connect across the room. Exchanging silly conversation and comments about how hot we find each other, we casually touch, rub up against each other subtly. Things begin to get heated in our vessels and we can't keep our lips off of each other. Those passionate kisses fly out like butterflies freed from a dark, colorless cave, finding their way out to a spot where comfort lies and beauty deserves to fluorish. To kiss every inch of her body would be an understatement, every kiss complimenting her luscious body, in this my euphoria. Every caress of the lips on her skin would yield a rush of adrenaline, offering a deep release of her soft breath upon my neck. She'd whisper to me how good I felt, how it feels to fell this way; tell me how much she loved me still with the sound of her lips against mine, on my cheek, rolling off my fingertips. Her eyes would catch mine amongst the intermittent swaying of our limber frame, simultaneously pleasing each other from the inside out. As time passes by, the passion has no limits, hoping the sun will rise and put us into a deep relaxing slumber, against its intentional will.
The love often speaks for itself, through the expression of the body's desire to find a comfortable pleasure with someone special. That way, the meaning that the "L word" intends to define is better spoken without usage of words. A love like that would not have to hurt its own pride when trying to find out what it really means to truly love.
She is looking for herself, searching for what she wants from life, from herself and others. I have never known such a journey. I feel as if I have walked those paths in my dreams and saved myself the sores on my feet. Yet I still can see footprints in the sand that beckon my intrigue for life to follow along.
You know, I don't know why I used to pray and why I don't now. Weird if you ponder it for a second. But I do know this: if I did, I would pray that she find the easiest path, decorated with spendid earth, not have to walk so far, and find someone that truly loves her at the end and till the end. I hope to learn a lot about her discoveries in life, share my own, and create a lasting bond. I have learned so much from the intelligence and beauty that she has to offer that I can only imagine discovering more about myself and life from her...shes just that cool to be around. She should and will always take her time in life, enjoying the ride along the way. I think it would be neat to ride along, so I hope I have that chance. I could point out the more scenic routes, pick the longest nights, and lengthen the shortest days...meanwhile packing a picnic for two with a bottle of Kendall Jackson. I could write forever about the "L" that lies within me, but I do have forever...and quite possibly so could you and I.