That Night...

My clothes are drying right now, so I guess I can talk about my day until I have to fold them. All I could think about was this girl Kristin that happens to work along side me tonight and this morning as well. She said she has a boyfriend, but he's in Atlanta, so hey, at least I can talk to her. She is quite the spectacle. Short, blond, pretty smile, southern girl look and matching accent, and quite interesting to talk to. When we weren't working, we were talking about everything and anything. She even told me that she has fooled around with other women before and enjoyed it! One bone for the guys! I would have never expected her to tell me something like that. So I came to the conclusion that I had to become closer friends with her. Not because of that, but because she can have a good time in such a suckish place like work. I don't need to be her boyfriend, but she really captures something in me. So I am hoping her, I and a friend will hang out next week when all three of us do not have class or work. She seems like someone you can just have a great time with. Newho, I can't make judgment yet...Ill have to get to know her better and hang out with her before I decide if she is or isnt what i think.
I've realized that I trust people too much, and that leaves me open to easily being taken advantage of. Ok, whatever, only time will tell...I got a midterm tomorrow...not really gonna study cause it is in theatre class..easy crap i hope. Today i worked from 1045 to 900. My job sucks...I was sposed to be cut earlier than that, but of course my luck beseeches me once again.
Ok, clothes are done...tomorrow another day, same ol' routine. Hoping to bump into a girl and knock her stuff over so I can pick it up, introduce myself, and we will end up dating and discovering we were meant to bump. Of course I wont go bumping girls tomorrow intentionally...around girls at UCF, you really gotta tread softly anyways!!!


I'm not tired at all right now...I changed my screen name for xanga and now im just surfing the web on my laptop...and it is burning my leg hair off cause the fan is on my thigh...ouch. I always knew id get rid of it some how...
Work sucked tonight...my boss is a complete dickwad...he knows im the quickest and hardest working employee he has, and because of it, he is always on my ass telling me to go quicker, making it seem like im a slacker. If I wouldn't get fired, I'd tell him to go to hell, among other things. He thinks he is a stud or something, always going up to the females in the workplace and putting his hands on their shoulders. I remember one time he even pulled on a girl's hair, trying to be all powerful i guess. Isn't that sexual harassment? My friend at work suggested that he may be getting some from one of the chicks that works there...possible I guess, but not probable because the girls that I work with look for guys with a full head of hair and teeth that dont look like jail bars. I wanna quit, but I gotta find another job first cause i gotta pay for my car and insurance. It sucks when you're in a position like that...oh well, life sucks, but so does a vacuum cleaner, they can both be useful sometimes...where'd that come from? Ok, i believe im tired now...night.


So there's this girl at work...absolutely gorgeous! Blond hair, blue eyes (And no it isn't some cheezy stereotype that guys think about), lips just dying to be kissed...you know, just a truly beautiful girl. For you all who want a better image, just think of Tara Reid, but a little more down to earth and maybe a bit more mysterious. Anyways, I truly wish that this girl was remotely interested in me. She has this mystery about her that is kind of exotic in a way. You want to just walk up to her, tell her that you find her as the most beautiful creature on earth and tell her that you would do anything just to sit and talk with her, just to hear more about her life. Of course, I am a shy guy. Mainly, because I think that every girl that happens to be prettier than the average girl will not find me attractive. And I am not saying that I am ugly or anything, but girls are intimidating...
So this girl, Ashley, I would love to get into her thoughts just to see what she thinks about. Her eyes tell a story, but I can't really open the book up because she blinks every so often. And yeah, of course, she has a boyfriend. I remember briefly talking to her about him, that he was a cocky guy and maybe a bit posessive if i remember correctly. Naturally, the whole time I was thinking "You deserve so much better" even though I don't know the guy. I could only imagine him as some jock that looked alot better than I could ever. Why is it that girl's are always about that? I'm not a cocky guy, I seriously would be so much happier if I found an interesting girl that would let me spoil her. Not smother her, not ignore her, not take my eyes off of her, but give her freedom to be what she wants and go where she pleases, a girl I could trust with both arms behind my back, one that you just know will make your life have some sort of meaning when you think about her during that hour before work or between classes instead of sleeping and wasting life slowly away.
Enough rambling...I had a very intense experience tonight after work. Done with the night, I collected my tip money (I'm a busser by the way) and split it with my busser coworker. 32 bucks sounded good, but I knew I would just blow it on a tempting hot garlic wing take out or blow it on my car... A typical routine for me when money really means nothing to me. Anyways, the other guy goes to get his paycheck while I wait because the stupid managers require you to walk out with another guy. To my unforseen delight, Ashley walks up and asks me if I am leaving. Acting as cool as possible pretending to be some complete cocky asshole so she might notice I'm interested, I tell her I am waiting on the other guy Billy. So we joke with the manager until he gives Billy his check. Ashley talked about that Jessica Simpson tasty lip gloss that she had bought at Florida Mall (I do pay attention to details always, not by obsession, but rather respect). She layered it on her lips...ay ay ay...her lips. Then, being the perv that I pretend to be (don't know why yet), after she said it tastes good and makes her lips all tingly, I said, "You know what else would make your lips tingly?" She was probably thinking that, coming from me, I was talking about something sexual or stupid to that extent. I really imagined my lips caressing hers...stupid, but I know I could make her lips tingle a lot better than that expensive lip gloss. Passion for another human being is what I believe causes the best sensations in the human body. Ok, so fast forward after that brief thought... We finally walk out. She mentions she saw Billy the other day, didn't phase me really. I don't get jealous easy. Billy's a frat guy by the by. Ashley seems to be brought up on high society, though her voice almost plummets below it, a bit deep, yet attractive still. So she's probably thinking that Billy is cooler, better looking, etc. He drives a Mazda 6, Ashley a nice white Stang, me a Corolla S. See a price difference? lol. So, we talk about missing the presidential debate that was on at that time while we were still at work. She asks about the first debate...I saw it, Bush can't speak worth a darn, funny our prez can't speak for the life of him. Ashley agrees and we connected in some world of mine. At our cars finally, Billy suggests that I should lay off of the crack. No i dont do drugs...I just try to make the best of a miserable time I like to call work, so I crack jokes, act kinda goofy, talk alot, and try to be interesting to everyone and find some true friends. We all leave at the same time...I of course turn my bass-driven music up and my underbody neons on just to look cool (I think it is an ego driven thing due to starvation of attention and satisfaction with life). Lucky me, the three of us are alone at a stoplight. Show off time. I pretend like I'll race them. Both with tinted windows, I can barely see Billy's reaction when I sound my low sounding muffler by high revving, and Ashley's sillhouete glows against the backlighting of the mall lights. Funny, I could picture her face perfectly. Ashley moves up past the white bar where you are supposed to stop. I dump the clutch, spinning my wheels and creating a loud squeal to get Ashley's attention. I got up far enough to see her on her cell...probably her guy. But I showed her what i was made of...right? She did the same...
All of a sudden, she takes her shirt off while waiting at that hot red light above our heads. Surprised she remembered to put her phone down (because it seems popular girls like her have it stapled by some means to their preferred ear,) I noticed how thin and tempting she had been with her poofy Red Lobster sweat-prone work shirt off of that creamy white torso of hers. She waved it around in circles like a cowgirl. Hah, I thought. Those beautifully-shaped shoulders of hers sparked something in me...It was as if a full moon reflected right off of her silhouette and churned up a love potion of ecstasy inside my stomach. It's almost as if she felt comfortable with me. Wouldn't that be nice? I never imagined a smile from Ashley at such a revealing point in my life. I really didn't see anything below her shoulders and the outline of her bra straps, but I don't think I would have wanted to. Seeing something that sexual has to be earned through the trust that love or passion brings, however long or whether it be momentarily. Green light...I sped off thinking I was back in the race. Billy was behind. But Ashley seemed to be catching up as if she was missing out on the action ahead of her. Then, as expected like every ounce of luck and fate I have my hands on, Ashley made her turn down a different road, and Billy passed me once again back to the position he held over me before. I could not get past him again after that because of some stupid Honda, but maybe next time, because I had no desire to race for something that had no happy ending. There's a metaphor for the lonely at heart! Metaphorically, I couldn't even pass myself, I was so fired up with sexual energy. But like every race I have ever been in, it only lasts for that split second until you chicken out, beat someone in competition with you, or get caught\busted for wanting to do something that makes you feel incredible. And either way it seems that the other guy will always pass you some how, whether after you showed him just how much muscle your car has to pull off from the start quicker or when you pull off to go home down the same dark windy road that you go home by every night. The story of my life...
If girls like Ashley only knew what it feels like to have true passion for another human soul...then the world would truly be a happy place for guys like me. I'm shy, easily intimidated by the term boyfriend, and not willing to take a chance on someone appearing to be unattainable. I truly do wish and pray every night that God would give me signs, but that doesn't work. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe it is and I just overlook it until it hits me right in the ass. Well, what can I do but wait...I've been waiting my whole life though! I want to change the world for just one girl who actually has a enlightening story or independent idea in mind. Together we could change each other's lives. But how do you let the world know that you are a nice guy with thoughts of his own? One with morals who doesn't have to go get wasted or baked just to be accepted. I think more than the average person because the world begs of those who listen to think upon it. It is truly a screwed up system, the world is!
All I know is that I was lucky this night to catch a glimpse of the true meaning of life. Ashley's beauty, even if only a silhouette, opens up a new appreciation for life. Eye candy indeed. God did good with curves. Who knew that a girl with an extraordinary personality and great beauty could reveal so much to a simple guy looking for love? All I know is that it is out there...somewhere...open up Ashley, you deserve much better for such a gorgeous and most likely incredibly exciting woman. Your mystery tempts me and yet tortures me. I wish you could give me just one chance, one opening to show you what love is, what it can be, how essential it is for such a spectacle as you have revealed to me. I can give you life in ways not often possible...and my life would be worth something, looking forward to giving it all away just for one true thing...I bet that I can make your lips tingle too (I'm quite affordable...just the time of day is enough!)